Well, dem Cowpokes sure acquitted themselves well against Arizona!  Instant analysis of the Oklahoma St.-Arizona game was this- I was busy watching the Saints play awful defense in the NFL kickoff opener.

To the weekend picks!

Saturday
Mississippi St. -7 at Auburn
The SEC Spread Bowl!  Moo St. comes off a shellacking of Memphis whilst Teh Barners of Auburn come off a saved by the bell last-minute victory against Utah St.  In what could be a changing of the guard a bit in the SEC West, Mississippi St. has a legitimate shot to beat the War Legal Law All-Stars.  But if Auburn can harness the power of the Crystal Asterisk like the Skeksis can harness the power of the Dark Crystal, then Moo State may be in for a rude awakening on the road despite being a TD favorite.  But color me anti-skeksis & I think Moo State hands the Barners their 1st loss as Black Tebow, Chris Relf, pwnanates Auburn’s Hobbit/Elven-looking QB, Barrett Trotter.           Mississippi St. 28, Auburn 20

Alabama -10 at Penn St.
So, Joe Paterno is like 963 years old.  Which is the age Methuselah reached in Exodus, the oldest person ever according to the Bible.  Now, Penn St. & Paterno haven’t really been an upper echelon program for long ever since Jacob brought down the walls of Jericho when Joe Paterno was just a grad assistant with Canaan Tech.  Bama’s big win last week glossed over the fact that their 2 QBs had pedestrian Jarrett Lee-like performances in throwing 4 INTs against a fairly poor defense.  But don’t look now b/c Nick $aban’s hair is still a perfect quaff of manly hair goodness.  In fact, if $aban was a Game of Thrones character, he’d be a Lannister.  And “a Lannister always pays his debts”… even to old coots like JoePa.           Bama 34, Penn St. 21


House Lannister’s colors are Crimson, like the evil SEC House of Bama!

Notre Dame -3.5 at Michigan
1st night game in Teh Big House!  Glad to see the Midwesterners realize it’s 2011 & use electricity to play a night game.  Man, you give people some freedom & all of a sudden bing-pow-kablooie!- Night games!  Next thing you know those kookie Midwesterners will want things like regular air conditioning!  Well, you know what they say… give somebody an inch & they’ll take a mile.  Except for Michigan.  Who has missed out on taking Miles twice!  Boom!  Get it? GET IT?! PS, Notre Dame is the England of College Foosball- overrated rubbish who live off accomplishments of days gone by.          Michigan 29, Notre Dame 27

Texas -7 vs. BYU
In a battle of future independent nations, Texas hosts BYU.  Generalissimo Mack Brown takes his charges into battle against the chosen army of the Angel Moroni.  With the inevitable death of the Big 12 & the blood of that event on Texas’ hands, BYU may be able to take advantage in Austin b/c oh by the way, Mack Brown still actually sucks as a head coach when he doesn’t have a Vince Young to bail him out.  Or a Cart McCoy.  So look for the Christians who’ve already seen a return of Holy Baby Jeebus to nick the upset & walk out of Austin with a stolen DVD of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s Austin City Limits performance where he set the house on fire.          BYU 24, Texas 22

Iowa -6.5 at Iowa St.
In the Ethanol Bowl, I really could care less who wins this match.  Although I’ll pick the game so as to make a joke into a non-existent “Ethanol Bowl” or some stupid political “Iowa Straw Poll Bowl.”  And looking at the straw poll results it looks like Vegas has the Iowa Tea Party to murder both Iowa & Iowa St. at 5-1 & a Michelle Bachmann & Sarah Palin big-boobed, big-bootied FOX-backed politislut daily double to pay out at 11-1 if both of them sleeps with the winner(s) of this game.  Oh by the way, I’m putting my money on Iowa b/c Hawkeye was a character in M*A*S*H.           Iowa 23, Iowa St. 7

LSU -47 vs. Northwestern (La.) St.
This really should be an unofficial pick since real Vegas lines generally don’t list I-A v. I-AA teams.  But, let’s just view this matchup as a cup match like you get in soccer across the pond where cross-divisions play each other regularly.  So, with that in my mind, LSU should be & are huge favorites as they come off a big win over a “sexy” Oregon team & about the only thing Northwestern St. has going for it is it’s located in Natchitoches, La. & it hosts a Christmas Lights Festival that’s so much fun, ‘ol Chuckles nearly bedded one of the hottest chicks he’s ever known.  But, almost only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades & LSU will win this one but not by 47 since Jarrett Lee sucks & only throws 3 TDs & MettenChrist only throws 2 in this one. If you got an extra 5 or 10 quid lying around, another Honey Badger defensive score isn’t a bad bet either.         LSU 41, Northwestern St. 7

Oh & here is live video of the Big 12 (-2) further breakup from the scene in Waco at Baylor University:

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Comments
  1. What no pick for the game of th week, Texas State at Wyoming? I will have to file a report later because sadly I’m going. We (the Cowboys) should win I think, I hope, I wish…

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