Wookie.  Wookie.  Wookie.  Oof.  Wookiewookiewookiewookiewookiewookiewookiewookiewookiewookiewookie.  Oof.

‘What’s up with all the wookies, Curtísimo,’ you might ask?  Well, I’m hungover & it feels like wookies used my head for a soccer ball.  The goal that Nagraoao scored from 30 yards out, while a beaut, hurt like the dickens when my head rang off the crossbar & crept over the line.

Anyway…. to the Nuggetz!

Texas A&M -3 at Arkansas
Arkansas gets the soon-to-be-SEC Aggies following a week where they got battered & bruised pretty good against Bama.  Fair play to Tyler Wilson though as he kept picking himself off the mat, so I think being at home against A&M it’ll be enough to survive this week as he only receives a part-beating.  The Aggies meanwhile will no doubt enjoy making better acquaintance with a school that will be their perpetual program level brethren following their future SEC entry.  Seriously, Aggies, welcome & all but if you can’t win a Big 12 title, you think you’re going to step into winning titles in the SEC?  Good luck with that.          Arkansas 31, Texas A&M 27

LSU -30.5 vs. Kentucky
Woooooooooooo, boyeee, man dem Tigahs looked good last week, yards given up schmards given up.  People really need to take off the blinders sometimes & maybe they wouldn’t have missed the fact LSU kicked West Virginia in the head beat West Virginia’s ass.  Now, da Tigahs come home to Tigah Stadium for their SEC home opener after facing a tough September slate where they knocked off 3 ranked opponents on the road (for the purposes of chest-thumping, the JerraWorld game is being counted as a road game).  They face a Kentucky team that has looked downright awful this year.  Even worse than historical Vandy kind of awful which is pretty awful.  Finally, JJ Headkicker is back for the Tigers which, of course, sent LSU’s Aryan QB Fan Club immediately into catastrophe mode with fears of distractions, chemistry upsetting & black people in general.  Wake up, dipshits.  You might miss the great season LSU is about to have.  If I have to suffer an 8:20 AM kickoff, you can freaking deal with an experienced player coming back to a team that wanted him back.  Shocking concept I know, but it is what is, Rantards.          LSU 45, Kentucky 10

PS In your weekly Honey Badger news, Mo Isom is a babe. Honey Badger for Heisman, Mo Isom for Hawtsman!

Ohio St. -3 vs. Michigan St.
The Ohio St. plays MSU North in a game that I really don’t care about.  The Ohio St. isn’t as fun to make fun of now that their closeted serial killer Sweater Vest Man is gone.  I’m sure he received a couple of Buckeye helmet stickers for knowingly covering up NCAA violations, however.  Still funny how the Buckeyes got that special one game reprieve for the Sugar Bowl b/c, well, heh heh, the ascot & smoking jacket-wearing men who really run the world needed to make more tv money.  Yes, I stole that last joke from EDSBS but as Spencer would no doubt tell you, “it belongs to the world now.”          Ohio St. 31, Michigan St. 24

Bama -4 at Florida
Prepare for the Bama beat down Gators.  Ya little mighty mite running backs have looked stellar against Kerplockestan International, Lilliputian Atlantic, Trashessee & Sucktucky but now you’re facing the Houndstoothed Pachyderms.  What tricks will $aban & his defense have for Charlie Cheeseburger’s offense?  Or will there be any tricks at all & Bama will just bludgeon them with all the subtlety of a massive hammer?  Then again, Bama’s o-line has some questions & UF’s defensive line may be licking their chops; their reptilian, medulla oblongata, pea-brained chops.          Bama 30, Florida 20

Wisconsin -10 vs. Nebraska
Some peeples are already hyping  this game up as preview of the inaugural Big Ten 10 + X Championship Game.  Nebraska is just hoping they don’t get the shit kicked out of them in Wisconsin.  Wisconsin has been impressive with their light schedule so far & flying a bit under the radar a bit nationally.  Their acquisition of NC State transfer, Russell Wilson, has turned up trumps for them so far but Saturday will be the Badgers’ 1st real test.   Wisconsin indeed is likely tougher than Czechoslovakia though, mainly b/c Czechoslovakia doesn’t even exist anymore.       Wisconsin 28, Nebraska 27  

  1. Kasey Keller says:

    “now you’re facing the Houndstoothed Pachyderms. What tricks will $aban & his defense have for Charlie Cheeseburger’s offense? Or will there be any tricks at all & Bama will just bludgeon them with all the subtlety of a massive hammer?”
    – Pure comic genius…..Curtismo!

    • Ryan Landry says:

      “their reptilian, medulla oblongata, pea-brained chops.”
      Haha. That Bama-Florida nugget was especially delicious. Compliments to the chef.

  2. curtisimo says:

    Can I get a what-what for Lilliputian Atlantic? 😛

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