Well, laborers & jellyfish, Nuggeteers & Nuggetettes, this week’s version of The Tasty Nuggetz will only have 5 games as my adventures in trying to get a condo ready to rent & sell out are going quite the shambolic way due to a terrific combination of strategic procrastination & apathy brought on by the seemingly overwhelming mountain task of it all.

Couple the above with the destruction of yet another of life’s dreams yesterday as The Honey Badger was suspended for allegedly failing a drug test for synthetic weed.  I’m not explaining what synthetic weed is.  If you don’t know, ya 1950s whitebread square, go Google it.  It’s always funny though to hear certain corners of fandom who either smoked pot themselves in college (or still do) & call for the legalization of it, then go off & call people out for getting busted on it.  Ohhhhhh, I got it, it should only be legal for your teams’ players.  Got it, Eric Holder.

In the words of my father, “SHITPISSFUCK!”

And here I thought the biggest joke of the week would be the formation of CONFERENCE NORTH AMERICA!  The Mountain West & Conference USA sees your quaint, little super conferences & raises to a MEGA CONFERENCE.  I forget the conference but there’s some D.II or D.III basketball or baseball conference that has like 20 teams so this is just ridiculous on so many levels.  Especially when the conference champ of Conference North America still doesn’t receive (as of yet) a BCS bid or an automatic qualifying spot into the CONCACAF Champions’ League.

Anyways, on to Teh Nuggetz!

Fridays Games
West Virginia -14 at Syracuse
Isn’t it great that yet another school solved racism & bigotry by changing their mascot?  But come on, schools, can we at least get creative with the mascots?  Orange?  That’s as dull as cuisine north of the Mason-Dixon line.  Why not pick something unusual?  I’m not asking Syracuse to change their color scheme from Orange & Navy Blue.  Just pick something other than “Orange.”  My pick for Syracuse’s mascot would’ve been an archaeopteryx.  Why?  B/c the name “archaeopteryx” is fucking cool, that’s why.  Plus, college is about knowledge right?  Teach people about how fucking cool archaeopteryx, the oldest bird, is.  Also, let’s see sports talking heads stumble on pronouncing archaeopteryx every week too.  See? Everybody’s a winner.  Syracuse, archaeopteryx, knowledge & announcer haters like myself.           West Virginia 44, Syracuse 21

Major medical boyeeeeeeeee!

Saturday’s Games
LSU -22 vs. Auburn
In a game always notable for zany stuff happening in it, the aforementioned suspensions of LSU for smoking up recalls another famous smoking incident in this rivalry.   A list to 2004 of the weirdness.  Since 2004, there has also been 2005’s 5 Misses In ’05, 2006’s Refgate, 2007’s “You Can’t See Me,”  2008’s Jarrett Lee Pick-Six Turns Game-Winning TD Pass  (or Todd Blackledge’s “Fistfight In A Ditch”) & last year’s “Scamper by the $cam Newton.”   This game has also been referred to as the Concussion Bowl but is still not without controversy as along with HoneyBadgergate there is also the matter of Landry the Younger attending Auburn this year.  So, scandals, controversies & quarrels all around when the Tigers & the WarEagleTigerWeAllInPlainsmen meet.  So in light of all the scandals… how about some Scandal?          LSU 31, Auburn 20

Hopefully Scandal has the right message for scandals

Notre Dame -8.5 vs. USC
Remember when this game meant something?  I’m sure it still means something to all the half-assed, solipsistic, show up on Saturday not knowing who your opponent’s starting QB is, type of fan that still roots for U$C but, boy, this game’s wow factor went from 9s or 10s of the early 2000s to the number “yawn” these days.  I mean Kiffin hasn’t even been derping much this year, so we don’t even have that going for us.  Anyway, I’m taking the pride of the Holy See in this one over the Greek city-state that plays in a stadium named after a Roman one.  Play like Constantine the Great today!            Notre Dame 34, USC 24

Because of this marble bust, you have Notre Dame football today.

Wisconsin -8 at Michigan St.
Can Sparty keep chug, chug, chugging along?  Or will they be derailed by Wisconsin & Russell Wilson the Transferred?  Wisconsin has crushed all comers so far while Sparty has kind of stumbled a bit into their 5-1 record.  Winner of this game takes a big step forward in overall B1G+X conference supremacy & could be an early portent of a rematch in the inaugural B1G+X conference championship game.  Great thing about that game is that the teams participating in it will be coached by the ghosts of Woody Hayes & Bo Schembechler, respectively.   Anyway, look for the badgers to be angry in this one as they will no doubt be enraged at their brother, the Honey Badger being oppressed!       Wisconsin 35, Michigan St. 21 

Angry badger says “Free Tyrann Mathieu!”

Boise St. -30.5 vs. Air Force
In solidarity with the Occupy Wall St. protests & all it’s little Satan spawns of Occupy (Town) sublets, Boise & mid-Majors, when they are left out of the BCS title game yet again, should storm the Superdome outer deck & stage a sit-in protest of their own- #OccupyBCS!    Especially since that seems to be an acceptable movement & would go over well with the media.  More so than say a protest movement called the Gatorade Party where schools would actually be allowed to keep more of their bowl earnings instead of being used as cash cows for de facto ESPN marketing vehicles.       Boise St. 42, Air Force 14 

#OccupyDipshit.

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