What used to be a pretty fun part of being a soccer fan was the summer transfer season.  Rumors that weren’t that far off the mark of this player & that player who might be coming in is now replaced with ridiculous rumors, people not wanting to re-sign contracts even though they’ve vastly underperformed in their current one (hello, Theo Walcott!) & every time a player leaves or is rumored to be leaving there’s stupid stories of how your club is in crisis.

Should we start with the Theo Walcott nonsense?  Sure, let’s do that.  After promises that there would be contract extension talks, Arsenal have apparently offered Theo £75k per week, he currently makes £60k per week, but the winger/forward has rejected the club’s offer & is holding out for closer to £100k per week.  If Walcott wants £100k a week, it sounds like either TW14 will have to cave & take the club’s offer or it’s sionara, nice to know you, Theo.

It’s beyond ridiculous at this point that a player like Theo, who hasn’t even come close to reaching the lofty expectations that were placed on him, is holding out for wages of that nature.  Maybe if Theo actually put in a decent cross once in a while (& I mean a real cross, not a pass along the ground to RvP who did all the work to find space with an expert run) & oh I don’t know, not dribble over the endline like a partially impaired terrier multiple times a game, then perhaps the club would consider something in the neighborhood of what Walcott’s expecting.

A partially impaired terrier… more effective then Walcott?

I see people saying it’s not about the money, it’s about the ambition of the club (this has become such a bullshit regurgitated meme, it’s not even funny; being extorted for money is not showing ambition) & not being able to keep RvP.  Well, I’m sorry, but that’s frankly a giant pile of horse shit.  If it’s not about the money then why ask for a 40% salary increase when you can’t even hold down a starting spot in the first eleven?  Oh, that’s right, because you’re a twat like the rest of most modern soccer players.  Nice to know you, Theo, see you in Liverpool.  I’m sure you’ll play well for them & actually try the whole time you’re there since you were a fan of theirs as a boy.

If someone like the likes of Jesus Navas comes in (Wiki already lists him as an Arsenal player, LULZ) as your replacement then I won’t shed a tear, especially as I won’t shed one even if you’re replaced by an actual partially impaired terrier.  And if it means Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is handed a role in the starting eleven, then I seriously would like you to GTFO & stop wasting our time.  You’ve been at the club six years & you still can’t make proper decisions or give decisive balls in the final third (yeah, yeah, yeah all those assists to RvP last year, blah blah blah).  So get out the way of The Ox & take your underachieving ass to Scouserland.  You’ll Never Underacheive Alone.

Jésus Saves The Arsenal?

Click on the image to make it biggerer & readable

But remember, an underachieving player who hasn’t even come near to the expectations of when he was first bought, despite regulasr appearances for the Three Kittens, it all adds up to, you guessed it, CRISIS!  When are we ever not in crisis these days at Arsenal?  Don’t buy, it’s a crisis.  Buy, but apparently buy the wrong players, crisis.  Stars leave, crisis.  Underachievers leave, crisis. Young players sold, crisis.  Crisis, crisis errawhere a crisis!  Sounds like the end of Arsenal Football Club as we know it, but I feel fine…

Okay, moving on to other players definitely leaving the club, Henri Lansbury has joined Nottingham Forest for a reported fee of £1 million, which, even in this day & age is a decent price for someone who only appeared seven times for the first tiam & mainly in the League Cup where he undoubtedly had his finest moment in an Arsenal shirt.  Lansbury was always crowded out of Arsenal’s midfield where Arsène Wenger has preferred more technical players, perhaps to the detriment of the team.  Lansbury could’ve possibly provided some drive & effort from midfield, and he certainly didn’t lack technique by any means but things never seemed to work out for him & now he’s off to Forest despite being at Arsenal since he was 8 years old.  Thanks & good luck, Henri.

Moving out on loan today is central defender, Daniel Boateng, who moves to League Two side, Oxford United.  Boateng hasn’t made any first team appearances in his time at Arsenal but was a regular in the reserves side last year.  The loan deal runs until the January transfer window when the player will be due back to Arsenal, no doubt to then receive another loan out to another club.

And there’ll be no M’Baye Niang for Arsenal as well, as the 17-year old has signed for AC Milan.  So, I’m sure missing out on a 17-year old striker will certainly be a crisis.  Or it’s the cherry crisis on top of the crisis icing on the crisis cake.  Championship level, get ready for the Arsenal…

Finally, obviously there should be a flurry of activity with players leaving the club, hopefully being players such as Niklas Bendtner, Marouane Chamakh, Sébastian Squillaci, et al.  If not, there’ll have to be a lot of loaned out players, which Wenger has hinted at already, & which won’t be beneficial as we’ll have to foot part or most of the wages at that point.  Umm, crisis, right?

3 more days to the end of the transfer window & maybe some solace.  Oh, who am I kidding? It’ll be delaing with some sort of crisis either real or imagined, all because we don’t have a rich Arab or Russian oil benefactor who spends money like there’s no tomorrow.

Updated signing/departures list (updates in red):
Confirmed signings: Santi Cazorla (Málaga), Olivier Giroud (Montpellier), Lukas Podolski (1. FC Köln)
Confirmed departures (includes U21s & U19s): Benik Afobe (Bolton Wanderers- loan), Manuel Almunia (Watford), Kyle Bartley (Swansea City), Daniel Boateng (Oxford United- loan), Pedro Botelho (Atlético Paranaense), George Brislen-Hall (Norwich City), Alban Bunjaku (Sevilla), James Campbell (Dundee United), Joel Campbell (Real Betís-loan), Tom Cruise (Torquay United), Denílson (São Paulo-loan), Samuel Galindo (Lugo-loan), Ben Glasgow (Stoke City), Gavin Hoyte (Dagenham & Redbridge), Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest), Sean McDermott (Sandnes Ulf), Jeffrey Monakana (Preston North End), Rhys Murphy (Telstar Velsen), Oğuzhan Özyakup (Beşiktaş), Ryo Miyaichi (Wigan Athletic- loan), Alex Song (Barcelona), Robin van Persie (Manchester United), Carlos Vela (Real Sociedad), Sanchez Watt (released- Carlisle United?), Wellington Silva (Ponferradina- loan)

Likely signings: Jésus Navas (Sevilla)
Likely departures: Andrei Arshavin (Al-Sadd [Qatar], Fulham, Galatasaray, Reading, Zenit Saint-Petersburg), Niklas Bendtner (Galatasaray, AC Milan, Inter-Milan, Juventus, Spartak Moscow), Marouane Chamakh (Beşiktaş, Fiorentina, Málaga, Rubin Kazan, Tottenham Hotspur, Valencia-loan), Denílson (AC Milan), Łukasz Fabiański, Vito Mannone (Hull City), Chu/Ju-Young Park (Al-Ain [UAE], Blackburn Rovers, Celta Vigo), Sébastian Squillaci (Bastia, Olympiakos Piraeus), Theo Walcott (Liverpool, Manchester City)

Possible signings: Ibrahim Afellay (Barcelona), Lucas Biglia (RSC Anderlecht), Nicolai Boilesen (Ajax Amsterdam), Yohan Cabaye (Newcastle United), Etienne Capoue (Toulouse), Tongo Doumbia (Rennes), Omar El-Haddouri (Brescia), Isco (Málaga), Cheikh M’Bengue (Toulouse), Stéphane Mbia (Olympique Marseille), Philippe Mèxes (AC Milan), Yann M’Vila (Rennes), Mbaye Niang (Caen)Steven Nzonzi (Blackburn Rovers), Paulinho (Corinthians), Angel Rangel (Swansea City), Jese Rodriguez (Real Madrid), Luke Shaw (Southampton), Cheick Tioté (Newcastle United), Kenneth Udjus (Sogndal), Emiliano Viviano (Palermo), Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa (Montpellier)
Possible departures: Johann Djourou (Napoli), Conor Henderson (Charlton Athletic-loan), Ignasi Miquel (Brighton & Hove Albion- loan), Aaron Ramsey (Fulham)

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