Posts Tagged ‘college football’


Hey! Guess what!  I forgot my sheet again!  So I’ll just wing it & try to remember what I had planned.  I don’t know why I plan anything anyway.  None of my plans ever seem to pan out.  I mean plans are for rich people like Warren Buffet’s secretary anyway, I suppose.

But Week 4 is one of the last weeks before most people get into the meat & potatoes & their conference schedules which are soon to be SUPER CONFERENCES (epic booming echoing voice).  It’ll be like a college football Hall of Justice!  With SUPER CONFERENCES  (epic booming echoing voice).  This fall on saturday mornings on NBC! Check your local listings.

Friday’s Game
BYU  -3 vs. UCF
Did anybody ever notice that UCF if you were to say the abbreviation phonetically sounds like an onomatopoeia?  Well, maybe an onomatopoeia in German or some Scandinavian language like Swedenese or Norwegish.  Try it out. [Sven] “Hey Rolf, did you see the size of the reindeer?” (reindeer runs over Rolf) [Rolf] “Ucf! You bet your flergin durgasbergens I did.”  Meanwhile BYU sounds like it would be an onomatopoeia for when a Cajun smells some ripe carcass.  [Oleyfus] “Byuuuuuuu, boy, you smell dat?  Smells like somebody killed by da Mormon Mafia, meh yeh.”          UCF 29, BYU 27


Mormon mafia- never go against the family.  All 143 members of it.

Saturday’s Games
Notre Dame -7 at Pitt
Notre Dame won last week!  So with a record of 1-2, if it were 1990, Notre Dame would be ranked #7 in the country.  Thankfully, at least in college football terms, we don’t live in those days anymore.  It always struck me as funny everyone’s love for Notre Dame.  Oh, yeah, a Catholic football power is great but you put one on the seat of President & KAPOW!, he gets assassinated by the mob/communists/CIA/shape-shifting lizard aliens/B1G commissioner Delaney/whomever.   There, that should keep me on the domestic terror watch list for the 18th week in a row.          Notre Dame 31, Pitt 30

Georgia -10 at Ole Miss
Speaking of shape-shifting lizards, it’s about high time Houston Nutt shape-shifts back to Giggity from Nutthead.  Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) got absolutely pantsed by Vandy last week.  They looked absolutely dreadful… against Vandy.  Nutt is likely dead man walking at the end of this year & since I made a JFK reference in the last pick, it’s a nice segue to let you know that the last time Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) won an SEC or National title, JFK was president.  I’ll let that sink in fer yas a moment. (snickers) Across the sidelines is another coach who is on the hot seat / dead man walking list in Mark Richt.  The winner of this game may be able to stave off their mid-season execution until the end of the year.  Or maybe not.  But these teams are shite right now but Georgia has more momentum at the moment since they were pantsed by Vandy last week.          Georgia 27, Ole Miss 24


Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!! Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!!

Bama -12 vs. Arkansas
Bama is favored by 12 over one of the team supposedly going to challenge for the SEC West crown?!  Really?  What does Vegas know that we don’t?  Well, actually a lot most likely but that line seems really high to me.  I mean, I know a lot of people out there have mancrushes & bromances on Nick $atan but if Vegas is falling for it, I am really worried.  Color me skepicible & a Bama-hater but I’m all over Arkansas & the points like a defensive lineman is on Jay Cutler.          Bama 26, Arkansas 17

Texas A&M -4 vs. Oklahoma St.
Future SECers take on T. Boone Pickens’ Cowpokes in College Station.  This is a game that the winner of likely sets them up for a winner-take-all Big 12 – X, Where X Equals Any Whole Number Conference showdown with Oklahoma.  Okie St. has given up points in abundance so far this season & the Aggies are, well, I don’t know really.  I haven’t seen the Aggies play yet so I’m just taking a flyer on them since Okie St.’s D this year has been crap this year.  Not quite Arsenal of the EPL kind of crap but crap nonetheless.  Luckily for them they can put up points in bunches.  Man I like me dat Honey Bunches Of Oats cereal.          Texas A&M 38, Oklahoma St. 28

LSU -6.5 at West Virginia
Maaaaaaan, it’s so disappointing that West Virginia made couch burning a felony.  I mean that’s like not letting Irish people dance a jig.  Or letting Appalachian mountain folk not make moonshine.  Or not letting politicians rip everybody off.  I mean people will do what they will do.  I just hope people don’t burn The Hat’s hat in effigy if the Mountaineers pull off the win.  B/c you know they’ll be jacked up for this one since: A.  they’re nutty like SEC to begin with & will want to show they can beat an SEC big boy & 2. those mountain folk are a bit queer anyway.  Just think how hopping mad they’ll be if Obama follows through on his threat to kill the coal industry!  Not sure how that’ll work since the majority of our country’s electricity is produced by burning coal.  Boooooooooooooo, where’s the awful jokes, Curtísimo?  We want awful jokes over awful political commentary.  Winter is coming!  For everybody it seems not just House Stark of Winterfell.          LSU 24, West Virginia 14


What you looking at?  This is how I heat my house now the coal industry gonna go belly up.

Ooh! Speaking of House Stark, A Song Of Ice And Fire fans will like that in the Carling Cup in England on Tuesday evening that the Starks finally got one over on the Lannisters as Wolverhampton Wanderers, commonly known as Wolves, beat the Lions of Millwall, 5-0! Take dat you incestuous, scheming Lannisters! THE KING IN THE NORTH!

What a crazy time we live in… a Southron lad like meself pledging fealty to a Northman!  Then again, The Hat is a “Northman” anyway. Well, that’s your lot for this week.  So, now if you’ll excuse me I have to go get ignored by several womens on the dating site.

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Well, after hitting the Thursday & Friday game double, I thought Chuckles/Curtísimo was going to have a good week but much like his beloved Arsenal of the English Premier League on Saturday morning, a bright start was only a prelude to a second half that was shambolic & full of downright suckitude.

However, there was the golden nugget of sunshine that was the 30-7 Vandy ownination of Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL OLE MISS!).  Vandy, alas, was just a mere few minutes away from their 1st shutout since Lyndon B. Kennedy was President or something but Ole Miss (Geaux to Hell Ole Miss!) scored on a late TD scored by Trent Lott.  The 23-point margin of victory is also the biggest margin of victory for Vandy over an SEC opponent since a 49-19 victory over Moo St. when Otis Nixon was President.

Overall records going into Week 3
Straight Up (SU): 7-5, .583
Against The Spread (ATS): 5-7, .417

Thursday’s Game
LSU -4.5 at Moo St.
Predicted Score: LSU 27, Moo St. 20          Actual Score: LSU 19, Moo St. 6
Straight up: Won; Against the spread: Won 

Moo St. didn’t end up finding love against LSU.  Indeed, in about as dominating as a 19-6 win could be, the Moo Staters found an LSU defense that was not only “fucking hostile” but a bunch of “nasty boys” too.  (Thanks for the link, Les).  In fact, Moo St.’s offense looked like someone who had been trampled under hoof by a herd of crusher destroyers.  “Where strides the behemoth?,” you may ask yourself.  Well, this past Thursday it strode through Starkvegas in the form of some purple & gold sadistic, prehistoric robo-beast.  A giant tiger.  That was part Mastodon.  A Tigerdon.  Perhaps a Mastiger.  A Mastiger that feeds daily on ligers, Napoleon Dynamite.

Get used to gratuitous metal references of LSU’s defense all season long  as that’s what playing LSU’s defense is like- being stuck for 4 hours in a mosh pit in a European heavy metal music festival & being bludgeoned both physical & mentally.


Have good Mosh-Pitting!

Friday’s Game
Boise St. -20.5 at Toledo
Predicted score: Boise St. 41, Toledo 17          Actual score: Boise St. 40, Toledo 15
SU: Won; ATS: Won 

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.  So the only thing noteworthy about this game is I think I heard on ESPN that Kellen Moore won the Heisman during it.  So if any of you have a Heisman vote, go ahead & don’t waster your time voting because it’s apparently been done already.  Never mind that Tyrann Mathieu is the best damn player in all of college football.  But everybody go ahead & keep thinking the Heisman is fucking relevant.  Would love to see somebody like Moore have to face SEC defenses every week. Blah blah blah Georgia, yeah whatever.  Have him face Bama & LSU’s secondaries & get back to me.  Perhaps either one could paint the Superdome’s turf blue with the blood of Broncos in the BCS title game in January.

Saturday’s Games
Clemson -3.5 vs. Auburn
Predicted score: Clemson 31, Auburn 30          Actual Score: Clemson 38, Auburn 24
SU: Won; ATS: Lost 

The beginning of the end for the Crystal Asterisk kingdom?  Auburn’s luck finally ran out on Saturday & frankly, their defense was shredded, yet again.  It does not bode well for their SEC outlook long-term.  In fact, if Auburn may end up doing so poorly people will quickly revert to the “Chiznik” interpretation of Coach Chizik’s name.

Notre Dame -4.5 vs. Michigan St.
Predicted score: Michigan St. 28, Notre Dame 24          Actual score: Notre Dame 31, Michigan St. 13
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost

Sportwriters’ nipples across the country were hard with Notre Dame bromance love since the Irish actually won a game.  And over a ranked opponent too.  So at 1-2 I think this qualifies Notre Dame for a BCS berth in some subtle bowl contractual clause.  The one where it says Notre Dame bromance wins are worth 4 for every other school.  Just think if Saban coached at Notre Dame?  The sportwriters would never write another article because they would be too busy masturbating to the ultimate football dream- the iconic school (the only time people aren’t afraid of Catholics!) & the archetype coach (he’s like The Bear with better hair!).

Florida -9 vs. Tennessee
Predicted score: Florida 23, Tennessee 21          Actual score: Florida 33, Tennesee 23 
SU: Won; ATS: Lost 

Well, as much as the officials tried to keep this one close for me with Florida’s 843 PI penalties, Tennessee just wouldn’t be outdone with their mega, Costco-like savings combo of 1312 missed tackles & 667 dropped passes.  Tyler Bray’s got moxie, I’ll give him that.  Actually Ted Williams will give him Moxie.

Ted Williams says, "Drink Moxie," Jortsy

USC -17 vs. Syracuse
Predicted score: USC 20, Syracuse 14          Actual score: USC 38, Syracuse 17 
SU: Won; ATS: Lost 

No, Lane, relax.  Moxie isn’t what you have.  You have a different kind of bravado, a different kind of braggadocio.  You have what experts call “doucheness.”  In fact, you may be the Douchiest Man In The World.  Lane Kiffin: “I don’t always drink beer.  But when I do, I prefer Douche Equis.”

Miami (Fla.) -3 vs. Ohio St. 
Predicted score: Ohio St. 34, Miami (Fla.) 24          Actual score: Miami (Fla.) 24, Ohio St. 6
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost

The IneligiBowl goes to Da U!  Gee whiz, did the Ohio St. look pathetic.  They had something paltry like 23 yards until 2 completions on the final 2 plays that jacked that total up to like 50.  Jacory Harris still sucks though.  He’s like the college football version of Tony Romo.  If he played somewhere like say, oh, I don’t know, Kentucky, you would never hear the end of how bad he plays.  But since he’s a QB at Da U, he “fights through adversity,” “he’s a ‘gamer’.”  You know what a gamer is?  A guy who sucks.  It ain’t adversity when you create 3 adversities per game.  Adversity is what happens to you, not what you cause yourself.  Those are called mistakes.

PS Have you heard of Curtísimo’s Tony Romo Theory of Over-Hypedness (TRTOH)? The TRTOH is when a player gets elevated to a certain status or talent level just because of the team he plays on by the media & not his actual talent level.  I.e. QBs in Dallas, regardless of how many times they shit the bed are viewed better than say a QB in Detroit or St. Louis, etc.  
Records Following Week 3
Weekly Record- SU: 5-2; ATS: 2-5
Overall Record- SU: 12-7, .632; ATS: 7-12, .368


Weeeeeeell, Tiger Fans & other peoples, waddaya say?  Week 2 came & went & I had myself an average week for the picks.  Even had a near 50-hit day on Friday for Teh Blog, which for a non-registered sports portal blog that doesn’t have listing priority in search engines like other blog portals, ain’t too shabby.  Tyrann Mathieu, Honey Badger, ain’t quite the blogging gold that FC Barcelona & Lionel Messi is though he has been the catalyst for the hits this week.  BAM! See, I probably just got 86 hits for mentioning Lionel Messi’s name alone & another dozen for Tyrann Mathieu, Honey Badger.  If I mention Wayne Rooney was the alleged English football/soccer player that was supposed to be outed for doing cocaine & that Manchester United will bench him this week, it’ll probably be another 100+ hits. FOREIGN PEOPLE, THIS IS SATIRE.  THAT MEANS IT ISN’T REAL, SO DON’T HAVE A COW.  WAYNE ROONEY DOESN’T REALLY DO COCAINE.  Well, not to my knowledge anyway.  Right, let’s move on before I end up in the Greater Manchester magistrate’s court on libel charges.

Before we get on to this picks, we need to have some factual corrections from last week’s Nuggetz.  An astute (& likely sober) reader pointed out to me that Methuselah was not only not 963 years old (he actually reached 969) but that he was also in Genesis not Exodus as I had put.  However, after reviewing the evidence, it seems we were both wrong.  Methuselah was neither in Exodus or Genesis but apparently was in Guns ‘N’ Moses.  Take a look:

Methuselah was not in Exodus…

but Methuselah was not in Genesis either…


He was in Guns ‘N’ Moses, however!

Also, I erroneously put Cheryl Bachmann instead of Michelle Bachmann in the big-boobed, big-bootied joke.  However, Cheryl Bachmann was the October 1991 Playmate & technically the joke still works since Cheryl Bachmann has big boobs & it wouldn’t be above Fox to use a former Playmate to hawk the news.

Not to mention the sundry spelling error here or there…

Overall records going into Week 2:   2-2 Straight up, 1-3 Against the spread

Thursday’s Game
Oklahoma St. -14 vs. Arizona
Predicted score:   Oklahoma St. 36, Arizona 27          Actual score: Oklahoma St. 37, Arizona 14
Straight up (SU):   Won; Against the spread (ATS): Lost 

Didn’t watch the game as I was watching the NFL Super Bowl Opener with the Saints & the Packers.

Friday’s Game
Arizona St. -7.5 vs. Mizzou
Predicted score:   Arizona St. 41, Mizzou 28          Actual score:   Arizona St. 37, Mizzou 30 (OT)
SU: Won; ATS: Lost   (Dem damn half points’ll get’choo all the time!) 

Didn’t watch this game either as I was doing something else.  I don’t really recall what.  Talking on the phone & PS3ing or something.

Saturday’s Games
Mississippi St. -7 at Auburn
Predicted score: Mississippi St. 28, Auburn 20          Actual score:   Auburn 41, Mississippi St. 34
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost 

Wowsers, just like the Saints being stopped on the goal line as the clock expired on Thursday night, thus it was with Moo St. & Chris Relf getting stuffed as Auburn escapes for the 2nd week in a row at home.  But either way I hope y’all had the over in this one as that’ll be a good bet in most games Auburn plays in this year with that apparently shoddy defense they’re playing so far.

Alabama -10 at Penn St.
Predicted score: Bama 34, Penn St. 21          Actual score:   Bama 27, Penn St. 11
SU: Won; ATS: Won

Bama rolled & Penn St. scored a TD late in garbage time to make it remotely look like they were competitive in this one.  We are! Penn St.!  We are!….. the losers in this one!  Penn St. couldn’t do much on offense & Bama was content just to run it down JoePa’s boys’ throat for most of the afternoon.  Not sure what the debt was but Saban Lannister paid his to JoePa.

Notre Dame -3.5 at Michigan
Predicted score: Michigan 29, Notre Dame 27          Actual score:  Michigan 35, Notre Dame 31
SU: Won; ATS: Won  

Golly gee willikers!  What a wonderful spectacle of foosball this one was!  2 Titans of College Foosball, that albeit have fallen on difficult times for both, put on a show worthy of all the 1st-Night-Game-EVAR-The-Big-House-OMG-Awesome hype this game was given.  They hit a home run with doing the game with a throwback theme too.  Winners of the retro themed costume contest were the ref crew & their bebop/20s-era paperboy caps:


Ref in black cap: “So boys, we still headed out to that roadhouse off of Route 18 yonder on past Old Man Harrison’s farm after the game or what? I heard they got dancing girls came (sic) all the way from Havana!”

Ref in the middle: “Sorry, Orel.  I told you three times this week you ain’t goin’ go get in unless you got the secret code & the secret code is these white caps!”

Texas -7 vs. BYU
Predicted score: BYU 24, Texas 22          Actual score:   Texas 17, BYU 16
SU: Lost; ATS: Won  

The Mormons nearly pulled off another tight road victory for the 2nd consecutive week but the Longhorns survived the battle between what may soon be both independent schools.  Lulz! Good luck with that Texas!

Iowa -6.5 at Iowa St.
Predicted score: Iowa 23, Iowa St. 7          Actual score:   Iowa St. 44, Iowa 41 (3OT)
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost  

Lordy be! 85 points between the Ethanol Bowlers!  Maybe it IS an efficient form of energy!  Or maybe that’s what 3 OTs will do for a game.

LSU -47 vs. Northwestern St. (La.)
Predicted score: LSU 41, Northwestern St. (La.) 7          Actual score:   LSU 49, Northwestern St. (La.) 3
SU: Won; ATS: Won

The maiden voyage of the SS Mettenchrist happened in this one & if I were you I would not use any computers on LSU’s campus for a while since they may have been, er, soiled with some Rantard love.  Only thing some Rantards love more than the backup QB is the backup QB coming in & doing well.  That is until they learn the name of the backup backup QB, then he’s the new love interest.

But what am I to expect when you have Rantards being egged on by one of the biggest jackasses to grace this planet.  Seriously, Guilbeau- you’re comparing Mettenberger to Marcus Dupree?!  You, sir, are a dipshit!  Marcus Dupree was arguably as naturally talented as Herschel Walker & probably had more top end speed.  But Guilbeau is from that same stir-the-shit school of journalism made famous by Paul Finebaum (granted, he didn’t compare Mettenberger to Dupree directly, but people like Guilbeau know people will over-exaggerate his analogy, especially if they’re in the anti-Miles all-the-time camp like he is).

At least with Finebaum, there are moments where you know he knows he’s full of shit.  Guilbeau actually thinks he’s some sort of contrarian genius wielding powers of prophecy.  It’s bad enough you’re an idiot Guilbeau but then you compound that flaw with a press photo that makes you look like you got that second Y-chromosome just off in the nick of time.  Oh & speaking of Nick, Guilbeau, how are Saban’s balls tasting these days, you hack?

Seriously, I love how journalists like Guilbeau love to find ways to continue to bash a coach when he’s winning- in this case criticizing Les Miles for not starting Mettenberger.  You’re a hack Guilbeau, not a professional.  It’s obviously personal with you & Miles, you dumbfvck.

But I should remember that Guilbeau plies his trade in North Louisiana.  The area of Louisiana ruled by Protestant turncloaks that were Cowboys fans for decades until the Saints got good & belong more in East Texas & Southern Arkansas! Eat it, Guilbeau!  (Curtisimo steps away from the imaginary podium, juts his chin & nods vigorously Mussolini-style at his rant)


You know it’s bad when Nancy Pelosi agrees with me…

This week’s record- SU: 5-3; ATS: 4-4
Season’s record- SU: 7-5; ATS: 5-7



The Nuggetz… Hopefully this week’s batch will be better

Greetings to all you Nuggeteers both on the email list, those of you who can’t seem to win the good grace of WordPress’ email list & those of you who just don’t care.  Week 1 of da College Foosball was zany with bad uniforms, wild weather & a new challenger to Pam Ward’s “I only have my job because of an affirmative action quota” title.  After listening to her call a game, I’m convinced they are teaching announcer cliché classes in mass comm programs.

Anyway, LSU had ’em some duck gumbo, journalists still fawn over Bama (despite throwing 4 INTs against an awful team) & Auburn needed a minor miracle to pull out a win to appease the thousands of their “fans” walking out with 5 minutes left to play.  Seriously, Auburn?  The FIRST game after a winning a BCS National Championship & you’re walking out with 5 minutes left to play?  Ye War Chickens have that little faith or you just only want to watch blowout wins these days since ye knows the bell will likely toll for thee in 2 or 3 years (as in revoking the BCS title, cough cough)?.  Better polish that Crystal Asterisk, Barners.

To the 1st batch of nuggets!

Thursday
Oklahoma St. -14 vs. Arizona
T. Boone Pickens’ minions started their annual quest for The Precious last week with a 61-34 drubbing of ULaLa.  Which included a zany pick 6 for the Ragin’ Cajuns & the Cowpokes sporting awful grey/gray uniforms.  Pickens’ Pokes take on a sterner test this weekend against ‘Zona & Mike Stoops.  If Bob Stoops is “Big Game Bob” does that make Mike Stoops “Medium Game Mike” or “Not So Big Game Mike?”  If Brandon Weeden throws 3 oskies against Zona like he did against ULaLa, the Pokes may be in some trouble.  In fact, I think they will be anyway.  This game will also perhaps be a foreshadowing of a future Pac-14/Pac-16 matchup.  Hey, at least the Pac-12 had the balls to actually re-brand themselves “the Pac-12” while the Big 12- with 10 teams- remains “the Big 12” and the Big 10- which has 12 teams- remains “the Big 10.”  Yeah & Southerners are the stupid ones with just jock schools.  Hey, Aristotle Schembechler, you ain’t know how to count, boy?  What about you, Archimedes Switzer?        Oklahoma St. 36, Arizona 27

Friday
Arizona St. -7.5 vs. Mizzou 
The other major school from the State of McCain hosts the Mizzou Tigers in a game that I will likely change the channel for on the 2nd commercial break.  You see, ol’ Chuckles has become an SEC/LSU solipsist a bit.  I’ll watch games from other conferences but it doesn’t appeal to me as much as the SECNFL.  But alas, you call me a Homer & I’ll say that yes, I wrote the Iliad.  But in my version, Lesticles of Baton Rouge interrupts the duel between Achilles & Hector, by knocking them out each with a flying stone Lesticle to the head, sacks & razes  Troy & then beds Helen right after killing Agamemnon with the now famed, Jefferson Boot of Death move.  What any of that has to do with Arizona St. & Missouri, I’m not sure other than the aforementioned Iliad remake probably will be the movie I’ll be looking for when I switch the channel from this game.          Arizona St. 41, Missouri 28


So I sit here on the eve of College Foosball season (in the Central & Eastern time zones it’s currently College Foosball Day) waiting for College Foosball Day (Observed) [Saturday].  Much has gone on this offseason with all manners of scandals on top of your regular Fulmer Cup shenanigans.  Which, oh by the way was won by Auburn this year in dominating fashion as well.  War Damn Legal!  Ohio St.’s Terrelle Pryor left for the NFL after jerseygate, Oregon may be in hot water for association with scout/mentor/coach/creepo Willie Lyles, LSU beats up decorated war heroes & Miami apparently had orgiastic parties that would apparently make even Romans blush.  Which is scary b/c those Romans fucked just about everything.  Including marble statues I think.

Texas A&M also left the Big 12, only to say, “just kidding maybe later ok we really are soon bye not really yes really we hate you Texas bye.”

But, all that tabloid stuff is over & it’s time to get to the meat & potatoes of why we follow football… which is actual football.  On the field.  You’ll have to allow me a moment to give a shout out to my former colleague The Hand.  When last The Nuggetz graced the cyberspace The Hand no doubt had you all captivated with his youtube videos dispensing the picks.  But alas, The Hand was arrested & seized without lawful charges or due process during the World Cup in South Africa for buying hash off of an undercover cop.  The cops didn’t want to hear anything about The Hand’s excuse thinking he was buying hash browns when the cop said hash.  Thus, The Hand has been toiling away in a Vuvuzela sweat shop in the back country of South Africa appealing to UN delegates for his release, unfortunately so far, to no avail.  We hope one day The Hand will be granted his freedom, however.  Godspeed, Hand.

It being Labor Day weekend, there’s games on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday AND Monday.  And the games on weekdays don’t even involve crap like Conference USA or the AFC West!  Long time Nuggeteers will no doubt notice the change in format both from email to blog as well as we’re no longer going to a strict 10 game/picks per week format.  I may put all the week’s picks in one post, I may spread them out over several.  It’s all on the fly now, bitches.  It’s all fast & loose now.  Like Eddie Felsen.

Eddie Felsen knows who the Cam Newton money runner is.
He also made out with your mother before she married your dad.

To the picks! (From now on wording will be favored towards the favorite.  If oyu have reading comprehension skills, you can figure it out right after you put on the big boy breeches, big boy)

Thursday
Mississipi St. -30 at Memphis
Oh my lordy Jeebus!  The End Times are nigh indeed if Mississippi St. is a 4+ TD favorite against anybody with a pulse!  Granted Memphis aren’t what nearly what they were when they had De Angelo Williams or John Curtis’ own, Danny Wimprine, at QB several years ago.  But it’s certainly a sign of the changing times when Mississippi St. has a banner year & comes in the next season as a huge favorite after NOT paying for Cam Newton to go there.  That’s how you know it’s crazy.  Granted, the $cam Newton case just would’ve been too obvious to not get caught when Mississippi St. would’ve pipped Oregon for the National title last year if Newton had gone there.  Although how many people at Mississippi St. thought they were offering 180k for JUICE Newton?  I bet a lot.  “Hey, Earlene!  Some black fella is offering the Juice Newton to the ‘Dawgs for 180,000 dollars!  Dust off my Juice Newton vinyl, darlin’, we’re gonna be playing with the Queen of Hearts!”   Mississippi St. 38, Memphis 14

Friday
TCU -4.5 at Baylor
Lache Seastrunk will be transferring to Baylor next year from Oregon & recently tweeted this bizarro quote upon his Oregon exit:

Host: Oregon’s a place that’s had a great run, no question about it. … Looking back on it, do you feel like you made the right decision to go there?

Seastrunk: I felt like I did. When I first intentionally went there, I felt like God wanted to be there. But God also does things — God also pulls you out of the storm before it happens. So I felt like something was about to go down and God just wanted me to get up out of there, so… And I feel like I’m back home where people love me and generally care about me and I’m around my family.

Capice?  God told Lache to get out of Oregon.  Not sure why the Lord led Lache to the land ruled by the Greek goddess of victory in the 1st place but God was originally Jewish anyway, so who am I to question His Righteousness over his motives however seemingly confusing to us mortals they may be?  The Baptists at Baylor have no doubt found favor in the sight of the Lord for their soon to be blessings of Lache Seastrunk.  However, that’s next season.  This season the Andy Dalton-less Horny Christian Toads still have a stout defense & will have enough firepower to overpower Baylor in Waco.  It won’t be a blowout in Waco like an infamous ATF blowout in ’93 but it’ll be enough to see TCU cover.  Good thing there was no BCS back in ’93 otherwise that ATF squad probably would’ve snuck into a BCS Bowl.  Or just raided one.     TCU 34, Baylor 24

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Saturday’s & Sunday’s games on Thursday or Friday, Nuggeteers!  Until then, respek!

Respek Knuckles… when a High Five or Hand Shake just won’t do!


After a 2 year break, Chuckles the Angry Wolf’s Tasty Nuggetz are making a return to the cyberwebs & it’s back in bloglobal format as the cacophonous, cornucopia of chuckledom could not be contained any longer in e-mail land.  That & I was getting sick of all you people with real responsibilities telling me to not send stuff to your work e-mail.  Well, Johnny Q. Public, I ain’t exactly gonna send stuff to your personal email b/c I don’t want to clog the space that’s reserved for your porn.  No, no, not pornography but what the news has become- weather/natural disaster porn, murder/crime porn, scandal porn, Armageddon porn, financial crisis porn & on & on until there’s more scandals than Peter North got jizz (if you steal that line MCA, I will kick your ass all the way to Tibet).

But enough of that rubbish & poppycock! B/c it’s THAT time of year.  The time of year when the beer gets colder & more plentiful, when all manners of mammal find their way to the grill to become delicious, delicious murder for carnivores & young athletes who may or may not have been able to go to college on their intellect hurl themselves at each other with much violence & vigor.  IT IS FOOTBALL SEASON, MUTHA FUCKAS.  It’s better than Christmas.  It’s better than Easter.  It’s better than Survive Hurricane Irene The Storm Of The Century Media Day.  It’s the time of year when your friends become your enemies, school rivalries become figuratively life & death & your mother will catch just as much flak from you as an opposing fan of a given team if she even has an inkling of pity for another player of said team.

But, like all good tantric sessions this initial post is just setting the stage for the moment when you can’t take anymore & you say “fuck foreplay, I’m going in!”  The moment before the football orgy of the next several months begins.  Just for you to get the blog address.  So, stay tuned to this bloggy blog b/c Scandal Season, or as old timers used to call it, “the off-season” is over.  It’s game week.  It’s Geaux time.  Tell the wife, the kids, the mistress, the lawyer you’ll be back in February… ok, actually with all the scandals flying around the lawyer can come along, but only if he brings the single malt Scotch & the paralegal with the ample bosom that helped pay for her online paralegal course.

So, stay tuned to this blog, bookmark it, RSS feed it, subscribe, delete it, forget it ever existed, whatever.  Later this week, Tasty Nuggetz proper begins…

The seeming theme of the offseason in College Foosball!