Weeeeeeell, Tiger Fans & other peoples, waddaya say? Week 2 came & went & I had myself an average week for the picks. Even had a near 50-hit day on Friday for Teh Blog, which for a non-registered sports portal blog that doesn’t have listing priority in search engines like other blog portals, ain’t too shabby. Tyrann Mathieu, Honey Badger, ain’t quite the blogging gold that FC Barcelona & Lionel Messi is though he has been the catalyst for the hits this week. BAM! See, I probably just got 86 hits for mentioning Lionel Messi’s name alone & another dozen for Tyrann Mathieu, Honey Badger. If I mention Wayne Rooney was the alleged English football/soccer player that was supposed to be outed for doing cocaine & that Manchester United will bench him this week, it’ll probably be another 100+ hits. FOREIGN PEOPLE, THIS IS SATIRE. THAT MEANS IT ISN’T REAL, SO DON’T HAVE A COW. WAYNE ROONEY DOESN’T REALLY DO COCAINE. Well, not to my knowledge anyway. Right, let’s move on before I end up in the Greater Manchester magistrate’s court on libel charges.
Before we get on to this picks, we need to have some factual corrections from last week’s Nuggetz. An astute (& likely sober) reader pointed out to me that Methuselah was not only not 963 years old (he actually reached 969) but that he was also in Genesis not Exodus as I had put. However, after reviewing the evidence, it seems we were both wrong. Methuselah was neither in Exodus or Genesis but apparently was in Guns ‘N’ Moses. Take a look:
Methuselah was not in Exodus…
but Methuselah was not in Genesis either…
He was in Guns ‘N’ Moses, however!
Also, I erroneously put Cheryl Bachmann instead of Michelle Bachmann in the big-boobed, big-bootied joke. However, Cheryl Bachmann was the October 1991 Playmate & technically the joke still works since Cheryl Bachmann has big boobs & it wouldn’t be above Fox to use a former Playmate to hawk the news.
Not to mention the sundry spelling error here or there…
Overall records going into Week 2: 2-2 Straight up, 1-3 Against the spread
Thursday’s Game
Oklahoma St. -14 vs. Arizona
Predicted score: Oklahoma St. 36, Arizona 27 Actual score: Oklahoma St. 37, Arizona 14
Straight up (SU): Won; Against the spread (ATS): Lost
Didn’t watch the game as I was watching the NFL Super Bowl Opener with the Saints & the Packers.
Friday’s Game
Arizona St. -7.5 vs. Mizzou
Predicted score: Arizona St. 41, Mizzou 28 Actual score: Arizona St. 37, Mizzou 30 (OT)
SU: Won; ATS: Lost (Dem damn half points’ll get’choo all the time!)
Didn’t watch this game either as I was doing something else. I don’t really recall what. Talking on the phone & PS3ing or something.
Saturday’s Games
Mississippi St. -7 at Auburn
Predicted score: Mississippi St. 28, Auburn 20 Actual score: Auburn 41, Mississippi St. 34
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Wowsers, just like the Saints being stopped on the goal line as the clock expired on Thursday night, thus it was with Moo St. & Chris Relf getting stuffed as Auburn escapes for the 2nd week in a row at home. But either way I hope y’all had the over in this one as that’ll be a good bet in most games Auburn plays in this year with that apparently shoddy defense they’re playing so far.
Alabama -10 at Penn St.
Predicted score: Bama 34, Penn St. 21 Actual score: Bama 27, Penn St. 11
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Bama rolled & Penn St. scored a TD late in garbage time to make it remotely look like they were competitive in this one. We are! Penn St.! We are!….. the losers in this one! Penn St. couldn’t do much on offense & Bama was content just to run it down JoePa’s boys’ throat for most of the afternoon. Not sure what the debt was but Saban Lannister paid his to JoePa.
Notre Dame -3.5 at Michigan
Predicted score: Michigan 29, Notre Dame 27 Actual score: Michigan 35, Notre Dame 31
SU: Won; ATS: Won
Golly gee willikers! What a wonderful spectacle of foosball this one was! 2 Titans of College Foosball, that albeit have fallen on difficult times for both, put on a show worthy of all the 1st-Night-Game-EVAR-The-Big-House-OMG-Awesome hype this game was given. They hit a home run with doing the game with a throwback theme too. Winners of the retro themed costume contest were the ref crew & their bebop/20s-era paperboy caps:
Ref in black cap: “So boys, we still headed out to that roadhouse off of Route 18 yonder on past Old Man Harrison’s farm after the game or what? I heard they got dancing girls came (sic) all the way from Havana!”
Ref in the middle: “Sorry, Orel. I told you three times this week you ain’t goin’ go get in unless you got the secret code & the secret code is these white caps!”
Texas -7 vs. BYU
Predicted score: BYU 24, Texas 22 Actual score: Texas 17, BYU 16
SU: Lost; ATS: Won
The Mormons nearly pulled off another tight road victory for the 2nd consecutive week but the Longhorns survived the battle between what may soon be both independent schools. Lulz! Good luck with that Texas!
Iowa -6.5 at Iowa St.
Predicted score: Iowa 23, Iowa St. 7 Actual score: Iowa St. 44, Iowa 41 (3OT)
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost
Lordy be! 85 points between the Ethanol Bowlers! Maybe it IS an efficient form of energy! Or maybe that’s what 3 OTs will do for a game.
LSU -47 vs. Northwestern St. (La.)
Predicted score: LSU 41, Northwestern St. (La.) 7 Actual score: LSU 49, Northwestern St. (La.) 3
SU: Won; ATS: Won
The maiden voyage of the SS Mettenchrist happened in this one & if I were you I would not use any computers on LSU’s campus for a while since they may have been, er, soiled with some Rantard love. Only thing some Rantards love more than the backup QB is the backup QB coming in & doing well. That is until they learn the name of the backup backup QB, then he’s the new love interest.
But what am I to expect when you have Rantards being egged on by one of the biggest jackasses to grace this planet. Seriously, Guilbeau- you’re comparing Mettenberger to Marcus Dupree?! You, sir, are a dipshit! Marcus Dupree was arguably as naturally talented as Herschel Walker & probably had more top end speed. But Guilbeau is from that same stir-the-shit school of journalism made famous by Paul Finebaum (granted, he didn’t compare Mettenberger to Dupree directly, but people like Guilbeau know people will over-exaggerate his analogy, especially if they’re in the anti-Miles all-the-time camp like he is).
At least with Finebaum, there are moments where you know he knows he’s full of shit. Guilbeau actually thinks he’s some sort of contrarian genius wielding powers of prophecy. It’s bad enough you’re an idiot Guilbeau but then you compound that flaw with a press photo that makes you look like you got that second Y-chromosome just off in the nick of time. Oh & speaking of Nick, Guilbeau, how are Saban’s balls tasting these days, you hack?
Seriously, I love how journalists like Guilbeau love to find ways to continue to bash a coach when he’s winning- in this case criticizing Les Miles for not starting Mettenberger. You’re a hack Guilbeau, not a professional. It’s obviously personal with you & Miles, you dumbfvck.
But I should remember that Guilbeau plies his trade in North Louisiana. The area of Louisiana ruled by Protestant turncloaks that were Cowboys fans for decades until the Saints got good & belong more in East Texas & Southern Arkansas! Eat it, Guilbeau! (Curtisimo steps away from the imaginary podium, juts his chin & nods vigorously Mussolini-style at his rant)
You know it’s bad when Nancy Pelosi agrees with me…
This week’s record- SU: 5-3; ATS: 4-4
Season’s record- SU: 7-5; ATS: 5-7
The Tasty Nuggetz 
