Posts Tagged ‘Mettenchrist’

After last week’s somewhat underwhelming, at least offensively, performance against North Texas in a 41-14 win, the LSU Tigers put in a complete performance against the Washington Huskies of the PAC-12 in a 41-3 demolition job.  I was disappointed in our pass protection in the opener but last night against a BCS opponent, we protected waaaaaaay better & Zach Mettenberger, apart from a personal foul late hit, was hardly bothered all night long by the Huskies’ pass rush.

LSU did spot the Huskies the ball right off the bat when Odell Beckham (ODB) fumbled the opening kickoff which led to the Huskies’ only three points.  Despite the opening gift, Washington was overmatched & undermanned all night long against LSU’s defense.  Everyone knows about the “SEC speed” meme by now, but what knuckleheads from outside of the South still don’t seem to grasp is that where the SEC has superior speed isn’t at the skill positions, where everyone has burners, but it’s along the lines, most notably the defensive lines where SEC teams have faster, big athletes that face offensive lines from other conferences that employ big guys that lack athleticism.  An example of this can be seen on LaVar Edwards‘ sack of Husky QB, Keith Price (0:44 to 1:05 from the’s official highlights video).  Washington’s LT, Micah Hatchie (#72), is looking inside to the center for the snap of the ball because of the loudness of Tiger Stadium.  However, by the time the ball is snapped & Hatchie gets his head up, Edwards is already by him on the way to deliver a big hit on Price.

Washington’s OL was missing one starter at RT forcing them to move their RG there which in turn, he ended up getting banged up during last night’s game too.  So with 2 regulars out of the Husky lineup, LSU’s defensive line, which can literally go 10-deep, & according to a Holly Rowe tweet last night can actually go 13-deep (!), had a field day last night stuffing the run & pressuring Price constantly.  Price had come into the game with a good bit of fanfare & was expected to test LSU’s young secondary, but our pass rush kept him off-balance (he was 17 of 36), uncomfortable (7 QB hurries) or on his back (4 sacks) all night.

LSU’s run game was its usual physical, punishing self but last night we added a passing threat too.  Mettenberger was 12/18 for 195 yards & a TD, which aren’t glitzy stats by any means but his performance, especially compared to last week’s indifferent one, was stellar.  All of his incompletions last night arguably could’ve been catches, so in theory Mettenberger, or the Mettenchrist, could’ve gone a perfect 18 for 18.  Funny enough, LSU could’ve had a further completion on a halfback pass that was dropped, albeit on a tough throw, that could’ve seen LSU go a pefrect 19 for 19 in the passing game last night.

With the win LSU remains #3 in the AP poll & leapfrogs USC into #2 in the Coaches’ Poll.

Let’s get to the positives & negatives from last night’s win:

•   Pass rush; it was relentless & never let Keith Price get comfortable
•   Linebacker play; it was almost flawless all night long, particularly in pass coverage
•   Brad Wing; he’s a freaking punting machine; one of the 1st quarter TDs we scored should be credited to Wing who helped “flip the field” leading to that score
•   Zach Mettenberger; Mett could’ve arguably been perfect with all his pass attempts last night but his performance was still stellar; looked very comfortable all night long, being more composed than in the opening game & he showed on multiple occasions that he can actually read a defense & work through his progressions
•   Pass protection; a much improved performance from the North Texas game
•   Run game; once again it was physical & performed well

•  Drops; Being a former high school receiver myself, drops drive my crazy. Don’t know why LSU has to deal with seemingly prolonged bouts of the drops
•   Penalties; LSU still was plagued by some lazy penalties which shows a lack of concentration that can prove critical in a big game provided this isn’t tightened up during the season

Position Grades
Quarterbacks (A)– See Mettenchrist comments above but again, he read well, he threw well & he looked comfortable all night.

Running Backs (A)-  The stable of Alfred Blue, Kenny Hilliard, Michael Ford & Spencer Ware were very good.  Ran physically, ball security was good, etc.

Wide Receivers (C)-   Freaking drops.  Drops.  James Wright had a good game going for career #s (5 catches for 75 yards)  but I can’t give anything other than C because of the drops.  Although I would like to note for aspiring wide receivers- watch Jarvis Landry on run plays.  He is fierce & physical in his blocking.  There’s more to being a receiver than being fast, kidz.

Offensive Line (A-)-  Run blocking was excellent again & the pass protection much improved.

Defensive Line (A)-  D-line was pretty much flawless.  Pass rush was relentless all night long & run defense stuffed UW all night & made them one-dimensional pretty early on.

Linebackers (A)-  Also, pretty much flawless.  Gave up some completions but were particularly impressive in pass coverage for me.  Chavis likes his linebackers a bit on the smallish size compared to other LB corps, so if you’re going to go with smaller linebackers they better be able tackle & do well in pass coverage.  They did that last night with aplomb.

Secondary (A)-  LSU’s young secondary got their first test last night & with the help of the work from the D-line & linebackers, performed really well.

Special Teams (B+)-   Kicks, punts & kick coverages were excellent all night long.  If Brad Wing doesn’t win the Ray Guy this year, it’ll be a freaking joke; however, ODB, made some questionable decisions on returns on multiple occasions (opening kickoff, waited late to come up & filed two punts).

A’ight, Tiger fans, catch y’all on the flip side.



Thursday’s Game
LSU -4.5 at Moo State
Can Moo State ever find love again in the SEC? Though they have that sole SEC title game appearance back in the 90s (I bet that burns Ole Miss [GEAUX TO HELL!] fans), it’s been bare pickings (no relation to T. Boone) in Starkvegas for over a decade.  Though they were seeming to turn a corner the last couple years with taking the scalp of Florida last year, nearly taking LSU’s scalp in the rain in ’09 the last time we met in Starkvegas & taking last year’s Crystal Asterik winner, Auburn, to the wire… literally last week.  I was really leery of this game a couple of weeks ago before our defense showed itself to be truly fucking hostile versus Oregon & Northwestern St., the latter to whom they allowed -4 yards rushing last week.  With the recent release of LSU’s Nike Pro Combat unis to be worn against Auburn, they’ll be even more fucking hostile as they kind of resemble a football version of Imperial Stormtroopers.  Now, for Moo St. I’m only a little leery.  Although playing in Starkvegas with an improved Moo State squad who is looking for love & on a Thursday Night prime time game has the potential to be a trap for the Tigers but I’ll take Da Tigahs by a Touchdown.  I’m not sure why I capitalized touchdown in that last sentence.         LSU 27, Moo St. 20

Looking for love in Starkvegas requires some initiative

Friday’s Game
Boise St. -20.5 at Toledo
(Scene from over the summer)
Boise: Yeah, boy! We’ll play anybody, anywhere!  BCS busters, baby!  Anybody! Anytime! Anywhere!
Toledo: Ooh! Ooh! Over here! We need a game, Boise.
Boise (ignoring Toledo): What? Hunh?  No takers?  You all scared or what?  Where’s all them big schools, hunh?  We’ll play anybody, anywhere, baby!
Toledo:  Ooh! Ooh! Excuse me?! Boise?  Ooh! Right here, we need a game!  You can come to Toledo too!
Boise (still ignoring Toledo): You all wimps or what? Anybody, anywhere, fools!
Toledo: Ooh! Ooh! Right here, Boise! Right HERE!
Boise (finally acknowledging Toledo with a disgusted sigh): What? Oh, Hi.  Are you um… here to schedule us a game with Ohio St.?
Toledo: Um, no.  We want to play you guys.  But we are in Ohio.  You guys said you’d play “anybody, anywhere,” right?
Boise: Uhhhh, yes.  But, but we meant…
Toledo: “Anybody, anywhere?”
Boise: But…
Toledo: Anybody. Anywhere.
Boise: But…
Boise: (sighs with reluctance) Ok, ok.  We’ll come play in Ohio.  In Toledo… can you guys at least get us some Mud Hens hats?
Toledo: Done!

And thus, Boise will be forced to play in Toledo but luckily for Boise, ESPN will still no doubt verbally fellate them all game long as ESPN is wont to do.  Plus, Boise St. recently took its first official step in trying to be like a BCS school.          Boise St. 41, Toledo 17

Wish Boise St. was playing the Mud Hens, one of the best minor league team names EVAR

PS Honey Badger for Heisman update! The Honey Badger has is own Honey Badger for Heisman Facebook page! Click the link & hit the ‘Like’ button if you don’t give a shit (like the Honey Badger).  

Weeeeeeell, Tiger Fans & other peoples, waddaya say?  Week 2 came & went & I had myself an average week for the picks.  Even had a near 50-hit day on Friday for Teh Blog, which for a non-registered sports portal blog that doesn’t have listing priority in search engines like other blog portals, ain’t too shabby.  Tyrann Mathieu, Honey Badger, ain’t quite the blogging gold that FC Barcelona & Lionel Messi is though he has been the catalyst for the hits this week.  BAM! See, I probably just got 86 hits for mentioning Lionel Messi’s name alone & another dozen for Tyrann Mathieu, Honey Badger.  If I mention Wayne Rooney was the alleged English football/soccer player that was supposed to be outed for doing cocaine & that Manchester United will bench him this week, it’ll probably be another 100+ hits. FOREIGN PEOPLE, THIS IS SATIRE.  THAT MEANS IT ISN’T REAL, SO DON’T HAVE A COW.  WAYNE ROONEY DOESN’T REALLY DO COCAINE.  Well, not to my knowledge anyway.  Right, let’s move on before I end up in the Greater Manchester magistrate’s court on libel charges.

Before we get on to this picks, we need to have some factual corrections from last week’s Nuggetz.  An astute (& likely sober) reader pointed out to me that Methuselah was not only not 963 years old (he actually reached 969) but that he was also in Genesis not Exodus as I had put.  However, after reviewing the evidence, it seems we were both wrong.  Methuselah was neither in Exodus or Genesis but apparently was in Guns ‘N’ Moses.  Take a look:

Methuselah was not in Exodus…

but Methuselah was not in Genesis either…

He was in Guns ‘N’ Moses, however!

Also, I erroneously put Cheryl Bachmann instead of Michelle Bachmann in the big-boobed, big-bootied joke.  However, Cheryl Bachmann was the October 1991 Playmate & technically the joke still works since Cheryl Bachmann has big boobs & it wouldn’t be above Fox to use a former Playmate to hawk the news.

Not to mention the sundry spelling error here or there…

Overall records going into Week 2:   2-2 Straight up, 1-3 Against the spread

Thursday’s Game
Oklahoma St. -14 vs. Arizona
Predicted score:   Oklahoma St. 36, Arizona 27          Actual score: Oklahoma St. 37, Arizona 14
Straight up (SU):   Won; Against the spread (ATS): Lost 

Didn’t watch the game as I was watching the NFL Super Bowl Opener with the Saints & the Packers.

Friday’s Game
Arizona St. -7.5 vs. Mizzou
Predicted score:   Arizona St. 41, Mizzou 28          Actual score:   Arizona St. 37, Mizzou 30 (OT)
SU: Won; ATS: Lost   (Dem damn half points’ll get’choo all the time!) 

Didn’t watch this game either as I was doing something else.  I don’t really recall what.  Talking on the phone & PS3ing or something.

Saturday’s Games
Mississippi St. -7 at Auburn
Predicted score: Mississippi St. 28, Auburn 20          Actual score:   Auburn 41, Mississippi St. 34
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost 

Wowsers, just like the Saints being stopped on the goal line as the clock expired on Thursday night, thus it was with Moo St. & Chris Relf getting stuffed as Auburn escapes for the 2nd week in a row at home.  But either way I hope y’all had the over in this one as that’ll be a good bet in most games Auburn plays in this year with that apparently shoddy defense they’re playing so far.

Alabama -10 at Penn St.
Predicted score: Bama 34, Penn St. 21          Actual score:   Bama 27, Penn St. 11
SU: Won; ATS: Won

Bama rolled & Penn St. scored a TD late in garbage time to make it remotely look like they were competitive in this one.  We are! Penn St.!  We are!….. the losers in this one!  Penn St. couldn’t do much on offense & Bama was content just to run it down JoePa’s boys’ throat for most of the afternoon.  Not sure what the debt was but Saban Lannister paid his to JoePa.

Notre Dame -3.5 at Michigan
Predicted score: Michigan 29, Notre Dame 27          Actual score:  Michigan 35, Notre Dame 31
SU: Won; ATS: Won  

Golly gee willikers!  What a wonderful spectacle of foosball this one was!  2 Titans of College Foosball, that albeit have fallen on difficult times for both, put on a show worthy of all the 1st-Night-Game-EVAR-The-Big-House-OMG-Awesome hype this game was given.  They hit a home run with doing the game with a throwback theme too.  Winners of the retro themed costume contest were the ref crew & their bebop/20s-era paperboy caps:

Ref in black cap: “So boys, we still headed out to that roadhouse off of Route 18 yonder on past Old Man Harrison’s farm after the game or what? I heard they got dancing girls came (sic) all the way from Havana!”

Ref in the middle: “Sorry, Orel.  I told you three times this week you ain’t goin’ go get in unless you got the secret code & the secret code is these white caps!”

Texas -7 vs. BYU
Predicted score: BYU 24, Texas 22          Actual score:   Texas 17, BYU 16
SU: Lost; ATS: Won  

The Mormons nearly pulled off another tight road victory for the 2nd consecutive week but the Longhorns survived the battle between what may soon be both independent schools.  Lulz! Good luck with that Texas!

Iowa -6.5 at Iowa St.
Predicted score: Iowa 23, Iowa St. 7          Actual score:   Iowa St. 44, Iowa 41 (3OT)
SU: Lost; ATS: Lost  

Lordy be! 85 points between the Ethanol Bowlers!  Maybe it IS an efficient form of energy!  Or maybe that’s what 3 OTs will do for a game.

LSU -47 vs. Northwestern St. (La.)
Predicted score: LSU 41, Northwestern St. (La.) 7          Actual score:   LSU 49, Northwestern St. (La.) 3
SU: Won; ATS: Won

The maiden voyage of the SS Mettenchrist happened in this one & if I were you I would not use any computers on LSU’s campus for a while since they may have been, er, soiled with some Rantard love.  Only thing some Rantards love more than the backup QB is the backup QB coming in & doing well.  That is until they learn the name of the backup backup QB, then he’s the new love interest.

But what am I to expect when you have Rantards being egged on by one of the biggest jackasses to grace this planet.  Seriously, Guilbeau- you’re comparing Mettenberger to Marcus Dupree?!  You, sir, are a dipshit!  Marcus Dupree was arguably as naturally talented as Herschel Walker & probably had more top end speed.  But Guilbeau is from that same stir-the-shit school of journalism made famous by Paul Finebaum (granted, he didn’t compare Mettenberger to Dupree directly, but people like Guilbeau know people will over-exaggerate his analogy, especially if they’re in the anti-Miles all-the-time camp like he is).

At least with Finebaum, there are moments where you know he knows he’s full of shit.  Guilbeau actually thinks he’s some sort of contrarian genius wielding powers of prophecy.  It’s bad enough you’re an idiot Guilbeau but then you compound that flaw with a press photo that makes you look like you got that second Y-chromosome just off in the nick of time.  Oh & speaking of Nick, Guilbeau, how are Saban’s balls tasting these days, you hack?

Seriously, I love how journalists like Guilbeau love to find ways to continue to bash a coach when he’s winning- in this case criticizing Les Miles for not starting Mettenberger.  You’re a hack Guilbeau, not a professional.  It’s obviously personal with you & Miles, you dumbfvck.

But I should remember that Guilbeau plies his trade in North Louisiana.  The area of Louisiana ruled by Protestant turncloaks that were Cowboys fans for decades until the Saints got good & belong more in East Texas & Southern Arkansas! Eat it, Guilbeau!  (Curtisimo steps away from the imaginary podium, juts his chin & nods vigorously Mussolini-style at his rant)

You know it’s bad when Nancy Pelosi agrees with me…

This week’s record- SU: 5-3; ATS: 4-4
Season’s record- SU: 7-5; ATS: 5-7