Hey! Guess what! I forgot my sheet again! So I’ll just wing it & try to remember what I had planned. I don’t know why I plan anything anyway. None of my plans ever seem to pan out. I mean plans are for rich people like Warren Buffet’s secretary anyway, I suppose.
But Week 4 is one of the last weeks before most people get into the meat & potatoes & their conference schedules which are soon to be SUPER CONFERENCES (epic booming echoing voice). It’ll be like a college football Hall of Justice! With SUPER CONFERENCES (epic booming echoing voice). This fall on saturday mornings on NBC! Check your local listings.
Friday’s Game
BYU -3 vs. UCF
Did anybody ever notice that UCF if you were to say the abbreviation phonetically sounds like an onomatopoeia? Well, maybe an onomatopoeia in German or some Scandinavian language like Swedenese or Norwegish. Try it out. [Sven] “Hey Rolf, did you see the size of the reindeer?” (reindeer runs over Rolf) [Rolf] “Ucf! You bet your flergin durgasbergens I did.” Meanwhile BYU sounds like it would be an onomatopoeia for when a Cajun smells some ripe carcass. [Oleyfus] “Byuuuuuuu, boy, you smell dat? Smells like somebody killed by da Mormon Mafia, meh yeh.” UCF 29, BYU 27
Mormon mafia- never go against the family. All 143 members of it.
Saturday’s Games
Notre Dame -7 at Pitt
Notre Dame won last week! So with a record of 1-2, if it were 1990, Notre Dame would be ranked #7 in the country. Thankfully, at least in college football terms, we don’t live in those days anymore. It always struck me as funny everyone’s love for Notre Dame. Oh, yeah, a Catholic football power is great but you put one on the seat of President & KAPOW!, he gets assassinated by the mob/communists/CIA/shape-shifting lizard aliens/B1G commissioner Delaney/whomever. There, that should keep me on the domestic terror watch list for the 18th week in a row. Notre Dame 31, Pitt 30
Georgia -10 at Ole Miss
Speaking of shape-shifting lizards, it’s about high time Houston Nutt shape-shifts back to Giggity from Nutthead. Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) got absolutely pantsed by Vandy last week. They looked absolutely dreadful… against Vandy. Nutt is likely dead man walking at the end of this year & since I made a JFK reference in the last pick, it’s a nice segue to let you know that the last time Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) won an SEC or National title, JFK was president. I’ll let that sink in fer yas a moment. (snickers) Across the sidelines is another coach who is on the hot seat / dead man walking list in Mark Richt. The winner of this game may be able to stave off their mid-season execution until the end of the year. Or maybe not. But these teams are shite right now but Georgia has more momentum at the moment since they were pantsed by Vandy last week. Georgia 27, Ole Miss 24
Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!! Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!!
Bama -12 vs. Arkansas
Bama is favored by 12 over one of the team supposedly going to challenge for the SEC West crown?! Really? What does Vegas know that we don’t? Well, actually a lot most likely but that line seems really high to me. I mean, I know a lot of people out there have mancrushes & bromances on Nick $atan but if Vegas is falling for it, I am really worried. Color me skepicible & a Bama-hater but I’m all over Arkansas & the points like a defensive lineman is on Jay Cutler. Bama 26, Arkansas 17
Texas A&M -4 vs. Oklahoma St.
Future SECers take on T. Boone Pickens’ Cowpokes in College Station. This is a game that the winner of likely sets them up for a winner-take-all Big 12 – X, Where X Equals Any Whole Number Conference showdown with Oklahoma. Okie St. has given up points in abundance so far this season & the Aggies are, well, I don’t know really. I haven’t seen the Aggies play yet so I’m just taking a flyer on them since Okie St.’s D this year has been crap this year. Not quite Arsenal of the EPL kind of crap but crap nonetheless. Luckily for them they can put up points in bunches. Man I like me dat Honey Bunches Of Oats cereal. Texas A&M 38, Oklahoma St. 28
LSU -6.5 at West Virginia
Maaaaaaan, it’s so disappointing that West Virginia made couch burning a felony. I mean that’s like not letting Irish people dance a jig. Or letting Appalachian mountain folk not make moonshine. Or not letting politicians rip everybody off. I mean people will do what they will do. I just hope people don’t burn The Hat’s hat in effigy if the Mountaineers pull off the win. B/c you know they’ll be jacked up for this one since: A. they’re nutty like SEC to begin with & will want to show they can beat an SEC big boy & 2. those mountain folk are a bit queer anyway. Just think how hopping mad they’ll be if Obama follows through on his threat to kill the coal industry! Not sure how that’ll work since the majority of our country’s electricity is produced by burning coal. Boooooooooooooo, where’s the awful jokes, Curtísimo? We want awful jokes over awful political commentary. Winter is coming! For everybody it seems not just House Stark of Winterfell. LSU 24, West Virginia 14
What you looking at? This is how I heat my house now the coal industry gonna go belly up.
Ooh! Speaking of House Stark, A Song Of Ice And Fire fans will like that in the Carling Cup in England on Tuesday evening that the Starks finally got one over on the Lannisters as Wolverhampton Wanderers, commonly known as Wolves, beat the Lions of Millwall, 5-0! Take dat you incestuous, scheming Lannisters! THE KING IN THE NORTH!
What a crazy time we live in… a Southron lad like meself pledging fealty to a Northman! Then again, The Hat is a “Northman” anyway. Well, that’s your lot for this week. So, now if you’ll excuse me I have to go get ignored by several womens on the dating site.
The Tasty Nuggetz 
