So, How ‘Bout That Honey Badger?

Pretty Badass indeed, Sir!

As I mentioned in a previous post, Tyrann Mathieu, who is soon to be known nationally as the Honey Badger put on another fantastic display of ballhawking & creating turnovers & should be a Heisman contender.  Sorry, Mountaineers, Mathieus fumble strip & deflected pass & INT weren’t turnovers given to us except in only the most myopic & biased definition of turnovers.

I honestly believe he is, or should I say should be, the frontrunner for the Heisman Trophy if the Heisman were actually about what it’s claim is- to be given to the “best player in college football.”  However, historically the Heisman usually amounts to nothing more than an offensive fanboi award.  It’ll likely end up being given to the likes of Andrew Luck but if Heisman voters take the time to watch the Honey Badger & look beyond gaudy stat lines that normally blind people with their shininess, they might see what myself & a lot of my LSU brethren see- the bizarro, how-the-hell-does-he-do-it-OMG-I-can’t-believe-he-just-did-that-again ability of taking the ball from his opponents.

And, sorry Mountaineers.  I know you couldn’t stand Mathieu’s trash talking throughout the game & his preening on the sidelines but hey, when you’re a fucking phenomenon that might be transcending the sport itself, you’re allowed to be a bit mouthy & arrogant.

And, yes, LSU gave up 533 yards of offense & 463 yards of passing to the Mountaineers but that’s only b/c it was the will of the Honey Badger to be so & the Honey Badger’s will, thy be done.  Amen.  In nomine Patris, et Filii, et SpiritusMellivora capensis.

I’m reading a lot on the interwebz about Mathieu may be NFL ready right now but I’m not so sure.  I’m not sure only b/c he may even bypass the NFL altogether  & go straight into service alongside Chuck Norris protecting humanity from the dangers of the cosmos.  Coming to SyFy this fall, The Galactic Defenders Chronicles, the stories of Chuck Norris & the Honey Badger.

But for now The Honey Badger has his own Heisman Facebook page & a Mathieu for Heisman Twitter feed which also reminds me, if any of you twits Twitter then you can tweet me at my twatty Twitter twit feed.

Finally, someone’s made a new Mathieu Honey Badger video too:

‘Til next time Nuggeteers, HONEY BADGER DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT!

UPDATE: Tyrann Mathieu the Honey Badger has been named National Defensive Player of the Week (following Mo Claiborne last week; 2 weeks in a row an LSU Tiger has been honored).  Heisman, here comes the Honey Badger!

Resistance to the Honey Badger is futile

Tasty Nuggetz, Week 4!

Hey! Guess what!  I forgot my sheet again!  So I’ll just wing it & try to remember what I had planned.  I don’t know why I plan anything anyway.  None of my plans ever seem to pan out.  I mean plans are for rich people like Warren Buffet’s secretary anyway, I suppose.

But Week 4 is one of the last weeks before most people get into the meat & potatoes & their conference schedules which are soon to be SUPER CONFERENCES (epic booming echoing voice).  It’ll be like a college football Hall of Justice!  With SUPER CONFERENCES  (epic booming echoing voice).  This fall on saturday mornings on NBC! Check your local listings.

Friday’s Game
BYU  -3 vs. UCF
Did anybody ever notice that UCF if you were to say the abbreviation phonetically sounds like an onomatopoeia?  Well, maybe an onomatopoeia in German or some Scandinavian language like Swedenese or Norwegish.  Try it out. [Sven] “Hey Rolf, did you see the size of the reindeer?” (reindeer runs over Rolf) [Rolf] “Ucf! You bet your flergin durgasbergens I did.”  Meanwhile BYU sounds like it would be an onomatopoeia for when a Cajun smells some ripe carcass.  [Oleyfus] “Byuuuuuuu, boy, you smell dat?  Smells like somebody killed by da Mormon Mafia, meh yeh.”          UCF 29, BYU 27

Mormon mafia- never go against the family.  All 143 members of it.

Saturday’s Games
Notre Dame -7 at Pitt
Notre Dame won last week!  So with a record of 1-2, if it were 1990, Notre Dame would be ranked #7 in the country.  Thankfully, at least in college football terms, we don’t live in those days anymore.  It always struck me as funny everyone’s love for Notre Dame.  Oh, yeah, a Catholic football power is great but you put one on the seat of President & KAPOW!, he gets assassinated by the mob/communists/CIA/shape-shifting lizard aliens/B1G commissioner Delaney/whomever.   There, that should keep me on the domestic terror watch list for the 18th week in a row.          Notre Dame 31, Pitt 30

Georgia -10 at Ole Miss
Speaking of shape-shifting lizards, it’s about high time Houston Nutt shape-shifts back to Giggity from Nutthead.  Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) got absolutely pantsed by Vandy last week.  They looked absolutely dreadful… against Vandy.  Nutt is likely dead man walking at the end of this year & since I made a JFK reference in the last pick, it’s a nice segue to let you know that the last time Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) won an SEC or National title, JFK was president.  I’ll let that sink in fer yas a moment. (snickers) Across the sidelines is another coach who is on the hot seat / dead man walking list in Mark Richt.  The winner of this game may be able to stave off their mid-season execution until the end of the year.  Or maybe not.  But these teams are shite right now but Georgia has more momentum at the moment since they were pantsed by Vandy last week.          Georgia 27, Ole Miss 24

Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!! Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!!

Bama -12 vs. Arkansas
Bama is favored by 12 over one of the team supposedly going to challenge for the SEC West crown?!  Really?  What does Vegas know that we don’t?  Well, actually a lot most likely but that line seems really high to me.  I mean, I know a lot of people out there have mancrushes & bromances on Nick $atan but if Vegas is falling for it, I am really worried.  Color me skepicible & a Bama-hater but I’m all over Arkansas & the points like a defensive lineman is on Jay Cutler.          Bama 26, Arkansas 17

Texas A&M -4 vs. Oklahoma St.
Future SECers take on T. Boone Pickens’ Cowpokes in College Station.  This is a game that the winner of likely sets them up for a winner-take-all Big 12 – X, Where X Equals Any Whole Number Conference showdown with Oklahoma.  Okie St. has given up points in abundance so far this season & the Aggies are, well, I don’t know really.  I haven’t seen the Aggies play yet so I’m just taking a flyer on them since Okie St.’s D this year has been crap this year.  Not quite Arsenal of the EPL kind of crap but crap nonetheless.  Luckily for them they can put up points in bunches.  Man I like me dat Honey Bunches Of Oats cereal.          Texas A&M 38, Oklahoma St. 28

LSU -6.5 at West Virginia
Maaaaaaan, it’s so disappointing that West Virginia made couch burning a felony.  I mean that’s like not letting Irish people dance a jig.  Or letting Appalachian mountain folk not make moonshine.  Or not letting politicians rip everybody off.  I mean people will do what they will do.  I just hope people don’t burn The Hat’s hat in effigy if the Mountaineers pull off the win.  B/c you know they’ll be jacked up for this one since: A.  they’re nutty like SEC to begin with & will want to show they can beat an SEC big boy & 2. those mountain folk are a bit queer anyway.  Just think how hopping mad they’ll be if Obama follows through on his threat to kill the coal industry!  Not sure how that’ll work since the majority of our country’s electricity is produced by burning coal.  Boooooooooooooo, where’s the awful jokes, Curtísimo?  We want awful jokes over awful political commentary.  Winter is coming!  For everybody it seems not just House Stark of Winterfell.          LSU 24, West Virginia 14

What you looking at?  This is how I heat my house now the coal industry gonna go belly up.

Ooh! Speaking of House Stark, A Song Of Ice And Fire fans will like that in the Carling Cup in England on Tuesday evening that the Starks finally got one over on the Lannisters as Wolverhampton Wanderers, commonly known as Wolves, beat the Lions of Millwall, 5-0! Take dat you incestuous, scheming Lannisters! THE KING IN THE NORTH!

What a crazy time we live in… a Southron lad like meself pledging fealty to a Northman!  Then again, The Hat is a “Northman” anyway. Well, that’s your lot for this week.  So, now if you’ll excuse me I have to go get ignored by several womens on the dating site.

D’oh! Nuggetz Will Come Out Tomorrow

Like the sun, the Tasty Nuggetz will come out tomorrow, trusty Nuggeteers.  Because, you see, ol’ Chuckles/Curtísimo forgot his little cheat sheet with his games picked & crazy ideas at work.  Sheets known as “Curtis’ Brain” by the one day entrepeneur empire of REK.  So, no Nuggetz for now, which is the kind of service you have come to respect the Nuggetz for & it’s low, low price of Free.99.

So…. how’s ya’mom’an’nems?  They get that General Lee t-shirt yet?  In the meantime, if you fellows & fellowettes are into that kind of thing, here’s a basic rundown of West Virginga’s Air-Raid offense from andthevalleyshook.com, an excellent LSU blog.  Give dem boys some visits if yous into dat LSU thang, they put out a decent product which also is Free.99.

So I’ll end on this which is a sad, sad state of affairs in our perpetual decline into dictatorship or at the very least a nannyocracy- it is now a felony, yes, a felony to burn coaches in West Virginia.  Really, politician peeples, a felony?  Do people out there in internetland grasp that?  A freaking felony?  That means you go to prison & have “convicted felon” to put on your resume if you’re convicted of couch burning.

So, think about that for a minute.  Theoretically, you could destroy at your will, your property & say no one gets hurt.  BOOM! Tough shit- felony.  Man, I bet some pasty white dickheads & dickheadettes pat themselves on the back mightily for that law written.  Society is no doubt a better place after the passage of this law!  Never mind the crooks on Wall St. & Congress bleeding everybody dry in the slow death of our modern economy.  Nope!  We need to purge the earth of the scourge of couch burning!  Why, it’s almost as seedy & dangerous as mattress tag removal!  Hard time for couch burning?  Can’t wait for jail time for grandma when she burns the omelets on the skillet!

Man, any of you guys remember that time when I lived on Bayou Fountain & my cousin & I had that couch bonfire following the Ole Miss game ca. 1996?  Red Dog went tumbling into the ditch & gashed his leg on a concrete shard & Super Dave didn’t want to bring him to the hospital.  That party was EPIC.  I don’t even remember what happened in the game.  Man, good effing times!

Alas, poor Couch Burning! I knew him, Kippster,
a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.