Nuggetz Testimonials!

Man, the site is really taking off!  Woo! I mean taking off like & leaping into the skies with all the height of a 3″ vertical.  Don’t take my word for it, take it from some satisfied Nuggeteers!:

“I have been examinating out many of your articles and i can claim pretty nice stuff! I will surely bookmark your website.” – Cathi Follie, Spamsford, Shropshire, UK

“I really enjoy the Nuggetz.  When I don’t want all the facts, it’s a great site b/c most of the facts are wrong.  It’s like better than CNN or Fox or ESPN.” – Wally Heimenbuster, Randipantz, Connecticut

“Hey boy, is you some kinda returd? You jokes ai’nt make no sence.  And you is some clasless punk.  You wish you could a done gone to a big clasy school like Bama, boy.  Come on down to T-town any time & ol’ Billy a give you a country boy ass-whoopin’. Next time you make fun a Jesus I’ll kick yer ass to.  Pencil dick Fag.” – Billy Madden, Houndstooth, Alabama

“Whoa, dood. Like, you know, this site is like, you know, really funny, like, except when it’s like, you know, not funny.  It’s like, the, you know, bomb like except when it’s not, you know what I mean?” – Trey Hardy, Teeshurtvile, California

“I came looking for fishsticks & stayed for The Nuggetz! Thanks, Curtísimo!” – Elaine Poppinsbottom, Lanky Shanks Hollow, Cumbria, England

“Many blessings to you on this todays!  I have exciting money place to make for your person!  I would like business deal for banking partners in Nigeria! Please respond with most haste for great money making chances! Nuggetz & Nigeria in my heart!” – Jobi Kankowundi, Lagos, Nigeria

“I get so mad when I read The Nuggetz.  It’s racist, it’s homophonetic, it’s offensive, and it’s dum.  D-U-M, dum.” – Morika McClain, Kilwhite, Georgia

“Chuckles/Curtis! Call your momma!” – Chuckles’/Curtis’ Momma, Chuckles’/Curtis’ Home Town, Louisiana.

Tasty Nuggetz, Week 4!

Hey! Guess what!  I forgot my sheet again!  So I’ll just wing it & try to remember what I had planned.  I don’t know why I plan anything anyway.  None of my plans ever seem to pan out.  I mean plans are for rich people like Warren Buffet’s secretary anyway, I suppose.

But Week 4 is one of the last weeks before most people get into the meat & potatoes & their conference schedules which are soon to be SUPER CONFERENCES (epic booming echoing voice).  It’ll be like a college football Hall of Justice!  With SUPER CONFERENCES  (epic booming echoing voice).  This fall on saturday mornings on NBC! Check your local listings.

Friday’s Game
BYU  -3 vs. UCF
Did anybody ever notice that UCF if you were to say the abbreviation phonetically sounds like an onomatopoeia?  Well, maybe an onomatopoeia in German or some Scandinavian language like Swedenese or Norwegish.  Try it out. [Sven] “Hey Rolf, did you see the size of the reindeer?” (reindeer runs over Rolf) [Rolf] “Ucf! You bet your flergin durgasbergens I did.”  Meanwhile BYU sounds like it would be an onomatopoeia for when a Cajun smells some ripe carcass.  [Oleyfus] “Byuuuuuuu, boy, you smell dat?  Smells like somebody killed by da Mormon Mafia, meh yeh.”          UCF 29, BYU 27

Mormon mafia- never go against the family.  All 143 members of it.

Saturday’s Games
Notre Dame -7 at Pitt
Notre Dame won last week!  So with a record of 1-2, if it were 1990, Notre Dame would be ranked #7 in the country.  Thankfully, at least in college football terms, we don’t live in those days anymore.  It always struck me as funny everyone’s love for Notre Dame.  Oh, yeah, a Catholic football power is great but you put one on the seat of President & KAPOW!, he gets assassinated by the mob/communists/CIA/shape-shifting lizard aliens/B1G commissioner Delaney/whomever.   There, that should keep me on the domestic terror watch list for the 18th week in a row.          Notre Dame 31, Pitt 30

Georgia -10 at Ole Miss
Speaking of shape-shifting lizards, it’s about high time Houston Nutt shape-shifts back to Giggity from Nutthead.  Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) got absolutely pantsed by Vandy last week.  They looked absolutely dreadful… against Vandy.  Nutt is likely dead man walking at the end of this year & since I made a JFK reference in the last pick, it’s a nice segue to let you know that the last time Ole Miss (GEAUX TO HELL!) won an SEC or National title, JFK was president.  I’ll let that sink in fer yas a moment. (snickers) Across the sidelines is another coach who is on the hot seat / dead man walking list in Mark Richt.  The winner of this game may be able to stave off their mid-season execution until the end of the year.  Or maybe not.  But these teams are shite right now but Georgia has more momentum at the moment since they were pantsed by Vandy last week.          Georgia 27, Ole Miss 24

Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!! Giggity giggity!! Goo goo goo!!

Bama -12 vs. Arkansas
Bama is favored by 12 over one of the team supposedly going to challenge for the SEC West crown?!  Really?  What does Vegas know that we don’t?  Well, actually a lot most likely but that line seems really high to me.  I mean, I know a lot of people out there have mancrushes & bromances on Nick $atan but if Vegas is falling for it, I am really worried.  Color me skepicible & a Bama-hater but I’m all over Arkansas & the points like a defensive lineman is on Jay Cutler.          Bama 26, Arkansas 17

Texas A&M -4 vs. Oklahoma St.
Future SECers take on T. Boone Pickens’ Cowpokes in College Station.  This is a game that the winner of likely sets them up for a winner-take-all Big 12 – X, Where X Equals Any Whole Number Conference showdown with Oklahoma.  Okie St. has given up points in abundance so far this season & the Aggies are, well, I don’t know really.  I haven’t seen the Aggies play yet so I’m just taking a flyer on them since Okie St.’s D this year has been crap this year.  Not quite Arsenal of the EPL kind of crap but crap nonetheless.  Luckily for them they can put up points in bunches.  Man I like me dat Honey Bunches Of Oats cereal.          Texas A&M 38, Oklahoma St. 28

LSU -6.5 at West Virginia
Maaaaaaan, it’s so disappointing that West Virginia made couch burning a felony.  I mean that’s like not letting Irish people dance a jig.  Or letting Appalachian mountain folk not make moonshine.  Or not letting politicians rip everybody off.  I mean people will do what they will do.  I just hope people don’t burn The Hat’s hat in effigy if the Mountaineers pull off the win.  B/c you know they’ll be jacked up for this one since: A.  they’re nutty like SEC to begin with & will want to show they can beat an SEC big boy & 2. those mountain folk are a bit queer anyway.  Just think how hopping mad they’ll be if Obama follows through on his threat to kill the coal industry!  Not sure how that’ll work since the majority of our country’s electricity is produced by burning coal.  Boooooooooooooo, where’s the awful jokes, Curtísimo?  We want awful jokes over awful political commentary.  Winter is coming!  For everybody it seems not just House Stark of Winterfell.          LSU 24, West Virginia 14

What you looking at?  This is how I heat my house now the coal industry gonna go belly up.

Ooh! Speaking of House Stark, A Song Of Ice And Fire fans will like that in the Carling Cup in England on Tuesday evening that the Starks finally got one over on the Lannisters as Wolverhampton Wanderers, commonly known as Wolves, beat the Lions of Millwall, 5-0! Take dat you incestuous, scheming Lannisters! THE KING IN THE NORTH!

What a crazy time we live in… a Southron lad like meself pledging fealty to a Northman!  Then again, The Hat is a “Northman” anyway. Well, that’s your lot for this week.  So, now if you’ll excuse me I have to go get ignored by several womens on the dating site.

D’oh! Nuggetz Will Come Out Tomorrow

Like the sun, the Tasty Nuggetz will come out tomorrow, trusty Nuggeteers.  Because, you see, ol’ Chuckles/Curtísimo forgot his little cheat sheet with his games picked & crazy ideas at work.  Sheets known as “Curtis’ Brain” by the one day entrepeneur empire of REK.  So, no Nuggetz for now, which is the kind of service you have come to respect the Nuggetz for & it’s low, low price of Free.99.

So…. how’s ya’mom’an’nems?  They get that General Lee t-shirt yet?  In the meantime, if you fellows & fellowettes are into that kind of thing, here’s a basic rundown of West Virginga’s Air-Raid offense from andthevalleyshook.com, an excellent LSU blog.  Give dem boys some visits if yous into dat LSU thang, they put out a decent product which also is Free.99.

So I’ll end on this which is a sad, sad state of affairs in our perpetual decline into dictatorship or at the very least a nannyocracy- it is now a felony, yes, a felony to burn coaches in West Virginia.  Really, politician peeples, a felony?  Do people out there in internetland grasp that?  A freaking felony?  That means you go to prison & have “convicted felon” to put on your resume if you’re convicted of couch burning.

So, think about that for a minute.  Theoretically, you could destroy at your will, your property & say no one gets hurt.  BOOM! Tough shit- felony.  Man, I bet some pasty white dickheads & dickheadettes pat themselves on the back mightily for that law written.  Society is no doubt a better place after the passage of this law!  Never mind the crooks on Wall St. & Congress bleeding everybody dry in the slow death of our modern economy.  Nope!  We need to purge the earth of the scourge of couch burning!  Why, it’s almost as seedy & dangerous as mattress tag removal!  Hard time for couch burning?  Can’t wait for jail time for grandma when she burns the omelets on the skillet!

Man, any of you guys remember that time when I lived on Bayou Fountain & my cousin & I had that couch bonfire following the Ole Miss game ca. 1996?  Red Dog went tumbling into the ditch & gashed his leg on a concrete shard & Super Dave didn’t want to bring him to the hospital.  That party was EPIC.  I don’t even remember what happened in the game.  Man, good effing times!

Alas, poor Couch Burning! I knew him, Kippster,
a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.

Tasty Nuggetz, Week 2: Thursday & Friday Games

The Nuggetz… Hopefully this week’s batch will be better

Greetings to all you Nuggeteers both on the email list, those of you who can’t seem to win the good grace of WordPress’ email list & those of you who just don’t care.  Week 1 of da College Foosball was zany with bad uniforms, wild weather & a new challenger to Pam Ward’s “I only have my job because of an affirmative action quota” title.  After listening to her call a game, I’m convinced they are teaching announcer cliché classes in mass comm programs.

Anyway, LSU had ’em some duck gumbo, journalists still fawn over Bama (despite throwing 4 INTs against an awful team) & Auburn needed a minor miracle to pull out a win to appease the thousands of their “fans” walking out with 5 minutes left to play.  Seriously, Auburn?  The FIRST game after a winning a BCS National Championship & you’re walking out with 5 minutes left to play?  Ye War Chickens have that little faith or you just only want to watch blowout wins these days since ye knows the bell will likely toll for thee in 2 or 3 years (as in revoking the BCS title, cough cough)?.  Better polish that Crystal Asterisk, Barners.

To the 1st batch of nuggets!

Thursday
Oklahoma St. -14 vs. Arizona
T. Boone Pickens’ minions started their annual quest for The Precious last week with a 61-34 drubbing of ULaLa.  Which included a zany pick 6 for the Ragin’ Cajuns & the Cowpokes sporting awful grey/gray uniforms.  Pickens’ Pokes take on a sterner test this weekend against ‘Zona & Mike Stoops.  If Bob Stoops is “Big Game Bob” does that make Mike Stoops “Medium Game Mike” or “Not So Big Game Mike?”  If Brandon Weeden throws 3 oskies against Zona like he did against ULaLa, the Pokes may be in some trouble.  In fact, I think they will be anyway.  This game will also perhaps be a foreshadowing of a future Pac-14/Pac-16 matchup.  Hey, at least the Pac-12 had the balls to actually re-brand themselves “the Pac-12” while the Big 12- with 10 teams- remains “the Big 12” and the Big 10- which has 12 teams- remains “the Big 10.”  Yeah & Southerners are the stupid ones with just jock schools.  Hey, Aristotle Schembechler, you ain’t know how to count, boy?  What about you, Archimedes Switzer?        Oklahoma St. 36, Arizona 27

Friday
Arizona St. -7.5 vs. Mizzou 
The other major school from the State of McCain hosts the Mizzou Tigers in a game that I will likely change the channel for on the 2nd commercial break.  You see, ol’ Chuckles has become an SEC/LSU solipsist a bit.  I’ll watch games from other conferences but it doesn’t appeal to me as much as the SECNFL.  But alas, you call me a Homer & I’ll say that yes, I wrote the Iliad.  But in my version, Lesticles of Baton Rouge interrupts the duel between Achilles & Hector, by knocking them out each with a flying stone Lesticle to the head, sacks & razes  Troy & then beds Helen right after killing Agamemnon with the now famed, Jefferson Boot of Death move.  What any of that has to do with Arizona St. & Missouri, I’m not sure other than the aforementioned Iliad remake probably will be the movie I’ll be looking for when I switch the channel from this game.          Arizona St. 41, Missouri 28